step right this way [annie carter]

[annie louise carter]

you are now entering annie's diary. this is a magical world where all your dreams come true. yeah. riiight. read at your own risk, kay? you're dealing with the new bat bogey hex queen. have a horrible day (:

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[annie louise carter]

dear diary,

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i don’t know why i chose today to start a diary, but i suppose it’s something to do with what i'm feeling.i feel empty. woah, that's dramatic, even for me, but it's true. i just got the worst news of my life, and i'm letting it sink in. i knew something was wrong, and all day i was a little off, and then petey showed up, pecking on my window, and i noticed a letter on his feet. i let him in and took it off, thinking it was just a note to see how i was doing from nan, or a message from mom and dad, but i was wrong. way wrong. i wish i wasn't so wrong. i wish that nothing had happened that was bad. but it happened, and i just can't think about anything else. i've not cried yet, that's always a plus, but i think that it's because it's just not sunk in yet. i mean i can say it, but it doesn't register. my nana died. my nan's dead. my nan's gone. see, i got nothing, it's like it hasn't happened to me, like i read it in a book or something, but it's true. it's happened, and i'm just trying to get it to register.

how does someone cope with that? how does it sink in? how long does it take before i realise that i've no longer got her to go to? i mean, i remember all the times that she's been there for me, making her amazing food to comfort me when i needed it. ice cream, omelettes, and her famous chicken noodle soup. not to mention the potato salad that she always made for barbecues. oh, and her barbecues that she organised. my rents would bring the barbecue, and my dad would cook everything on there. my nan would make her potato salad, and we'd have the fresh buns from the neighbourhood bakers. we'd all be there, all the family we could drag together, plus the close neighbours, and then i could invite the two idiots i call my best friends, and we'd all have a laugh, play random games like tag, stuck in the mud, all the childhood games we loved. and we'd take pictures and everything, and have a great time.

there would be no more of that now. and what about her house, what's going to happen to that? i mean, i remember it, all nice and perfect and homely, what would happen now? i couldn't ever imagine it all empty and dark, it just sounds wrong to even think about it. i never want to go there when she's not there. it would be like, wrong. without the light and the warmth, and even the homely smell of cooking coming from the kitchen. i mean, it wouldn't be the same. i miss that. i think i'll have to take a trip down to the kitchens soon and get some omelette. i havent had it in so long. ok, so it won't be the same as hers, but i'm starting to crave it. talking and thinking about it is making me want one. oh, heck, who am i going to talk to when i need someone around? i mean, mom and dad are great and all but they're always working or away on holiday somewhere, and it's not like i can always reach them by mail either, i can't send petey too far, it'll kill him. oh. wow. kill. dead. died. my nan died. i guess it just sank in.

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annie

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[annie louise carter]

dear diary,

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woah, alright, i wanted you to know something about me. which is kind of ridiculous really seeing as the only one i think will ever read this is me, but i'm not good at remembering to do things. i get distracted easily, and i'm sure that i could have some sort of mild case of add or whatever, because i seriously am easily distracted. anyway, what was i saying? see, damn. erm. oh, yeah, so i think about writing in my diary and then something else catches my attention and before you know it i've completely forgotten about updating this thing. i'd like to point out that right now it's a good few months after my nan's death, which was the first and last thing i wrote in here. i know, months, bad annie, but i swear that i'll try and keep up with this thing, because there are things that i never want to forget. i mean, details are important, they're what make things 3d and memorable and different, and it's the details that i never want to forget. like, for instance, my nan's favourite colour is was lilac, and her house always smelled like home, i can't explain it. and aniseed sweets remind me of her. and i remember that she was quite taken with some muggle music man, neil something or other. i think his last name was diamond, but i'm not great at remembering as i said, so his first name is all i know for sure. sorry for this short and pointless and sucky entry to the book that can barely be called a diary right now, but i don't really have anything dramatic to write right now. i know, crazy, right? i mean, being the epical gryffindor that i am, drama should be my middle name. oh, wait, no, that's sarcasm.

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annie

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[annie louise carter]

dear diary,

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all i want for myself is to have a life that i'm happy with. i want to be able to get up in the morning and grin. i want to be happy with who i am, with who i'm with, and more importantly, with what i'm doing. i mean, who wants to wake up in the morning and then have to drag themselves through the day at work because they hate everything about it? i don't want that, for anyone, especially not myself. but it would be nice also to wake up next to someone and just know that, hey, this is who i'm meant to be with. why don't we have some sort of radar that lets us know who's perfect for us? i mean, i could easily spend my life with someone who's kickass, who wouldn't be boring, who would want to try new things, who could keep up with my insults, and know that i never really mean them, and stand all the sarcasm, and the reason would be that they think i'm worth it. and also because you know, my insults are the best, and they'd want to take notes so they can use them at a later time. but the main reason would be that they know i'm worth the hassle. i really am. i mean, i don't cheat, i don't believe in that, and i'm always up for trying something new. pushing barriers is always a laugh, and speaking of laughs, i love them. laughing lets us know that we're alive, that's what i always got told, so laughing would be crucial. maybe mr epicness would be able to make me laugh because of something silly and random. i wonder if there's any spell out there that emits some sort of beeping noise when mr epicness turns up? maybe i should make one.

i'd like to point out that this isn't random. i met someone. well. a guy. his name's chris, and i don't quite know what to think to be honest. i mean, he's quite cute, in his own odd way, and he's growing on me. i mean, at first i took a dislike to him because of his house. whoo. it's a slytherin. i know, that's a bad idea, but it's not like we're together or anything, and there's no way that i'll ever fall for anyone. i'd rather not get hurt again. after el and everything. that wasn't so nice and i don't plan on repeating that experience again. it really wasn't fun. anyway, we kind of made out slightly possibly a lot. on brooms at first. not me and el. me and chris, i'm on about now. anyway, yeah, and then a little on the ground. and i've invited him over saturday. not like that, i know what you're thinking. not ready. did i mention that i've not... well, yeah, now i just did. just maybe some more making out lessons and some pizza, cola and skittles. i like that plan. anything involving skittles, pizza and coke sounds epic, so i'm in. no sex please, we're british. that was a bad muggle movie reference from centuries ago. my bad. i miss my ipod so bad. no honestly, it's so convenient, and it's just annoying when i get a song in my head and i just can't listen to it. i end up humming it, and to be honest, it's just not the same. and as you know, i'm not the best singer ever so singing it doesn't do too much good either. i really miss it. maybe i should name it. oh wow. i'm considering naming inanimate objects. maybe i'm crazier than i thought. i'm going now, to debate my sanity. are you regretting reading this diary yet? and if you're not me, i will hunt you down and obliviate your ass to hell. just thought i'd throw that out there and let it flap in the breeze. have a good night!

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annie

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[annie louise carter]

dear diary,

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i'm sorry. oh, great, now i'm apologising to myself. i haven't written in here in so long, but i just was swamped with everything, and then this was buried under all the textbooks and everything, and it's just crazy. anyway, so chris came over, that was ages ago, i don't even remember that much about it. it's been a long while since then. i remember running into him again though. i suppose i must have some unconscious death wish, because i headed on into the forest for a midday stroll, and ended up sleeping, unguarded on the ground. well, dozing. sunbathing. yeah, let's go with that one. so i'm lying there minding my own business, completely alone, and who should drop down from a tree but christopher weasley? he startled me. (haha that sounds so weird. i'm trying to like, use random words from the dictionary to improve my vocabulary, but it sounds so odd coming from me!). anyway, so he shows up and we get to talking, and then he sort of asks me out. yeah, crazy, right? and i know i was so sworn off guys and everything, and i also know this is probably one of the most stupidest things i've ever done, but the fact of the matter is diary, that the question answered itself. he warned me that he'd probably hurt me, and he's a slytherin, and he's sort of renowned for not being the commitment type, but still, i just couldn't resist. what the hell is it about the guys that are bad for you that make them so damn attractive? do they have a special body spray that they all use or something? anyway, so we went to the valentines dance together. (that was the first time i was actually dating someone on valentines day, how afreakingmazing is that?) it was actually real nice, the headmistress outdid herself, so kudos to her! it was all pretty, and alright, a little too pink for my liking, but it didn't bother me all that much, in all honesty. though red would have been nicer. so yeah, i guess we're kind of dating. i'm dating a weasley. really? yeah, and not just any weasley, the slytherin one. just to clarify, chris is george's kid, so that's the weasley line leading to him, because i know there's like, ron (how awesome would it be if i was dating the son of the best friend of the boy who lived?) and then there's ginny weasley, and she's the ex girlfriend of the boy who lived, that wouldn't be as cool, but still. anyway, so i'm gonna stop rambling and procrastinating now and go and do the history of magic homework that i've been putting off. kill me now? please? is that even possible? because, you know, you're a book? anyway, bye. oh, and i spent christmas with him! yeah i know, i know, how could i neglect that itty bitty detail? i forgot, okay!? i'm not good with these sorts of things. anyway, yeah, so i just hope this goes right. i hate it going wrong, it's not nice at all. so yeah, wish me luck with all this and stuff. i just hope he doesn't screw it up (; or that i don't.

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annie

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[annie louise carter]

dear diary,

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hey. wow, now i'm greeting inanimate objects, i have lost my mind. so what's been going on? well, i'm sorry but this entry will be a short one because i really can't be bothered to write. me and chris went for a date today, and it just felt different. like, i don't know, like neither of us were trying anymore? maybe that's just me, but i don't know, i get a terrible feeling. my nan always used to tell me that if i was going to trust anything, trust my gut instinct, and my nan always said the right things, but my gut instinct is telling me that this won't last much longer, and i hate that, because i really care about him. i mean, i think i love him. i know, i know, i'm a teenager, i don't know what love is, but there we go. i know what i think love is, and that's what i feel about chris. it's annoying and amazing all at the same time, and i hate him for managing to break my anti-man thing i had going on, but i love him at the same time. that's infuriating. but yeah, i'm hoping i'm so wrong about this because i really do like him, and i like his family, they're really great. his mother, angelina was lovely, real friendly when i spent that christmas with them, and george was always laughing, which was great, because i know he lost his twin, his other half, and that would have destroyed me. it's infuriating that this battle thing cost so many lives, but the fact is that if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't be here. if they hadn't fought for the good side, then voldemort would have taken over, and then where would we be? i probably wouldn't exist. my mom and dad could be dead too. my family would be destroyed, how horrible is that? i hate the thought. and i know it's wrong to think it, but i'm glad it was them, and not us, because i know i wouldn't hesitate in fighting, but the fact is that we really don't know, who would we lose? i could never bear to lose anyone. not my mom, not my dad, not any of my friends. i know i'm meant to be all brave and strong because i'm annie carter the gryffindor, but sometimes i feel weak and unsure, and i know that if i lost anyone again, i don't know how i'd cope. my nan was the closest person to me on this earth, and for her i locked myself in my room for weeks, almost refusing to eat, crying until i was sick, and exhausted, and i don't know if i could cope with that again, it might kill me. as a human, i know that death is part of life, but i don't want it to be. i wish that no one had to die. i know that the world would be overcrowded, but at least there would be thousands of genius' alive to solve that problem. i'm sure that if we stuck newton with einstein we'd have the problem sorted before lunch! i just hate the idea of losing people, it terrifies me.

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annie

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[annie louise carter]

dear diary,

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i guess my gut instinct was too right for it's own good. chris and i are over. i'm pretty sure that the stubborn asshole cheated on me. i should have listened. he said he'd hurt me. he said, and i ignored him. i feel so stupid! i get the feeling that like, everyone's laughing at me behind my back. i know that's silly and it's probably paranoia slipping through from, when, my childhood? yeah, see, i used to have this terrible case of it when i was younger, but then, you know, i grew into my teenage years and realised how awesome i am. anyway, so yeah, apparently i'm not awesome enough for chris. my best friend was telling me that she saw him locked in a more than friendly embrace in hogsmede, and then i go to indulge myself in chocolate from honeydukes, and who do i run into but the asshole from the toilets. mr 'i'll do anything that moves regardless of their feelings'. and of course, he had to chirp in with the fact that he saw chris making out with someone in a corridor, and then i was furious. of course when i get furious, all common sense goes out the window, and i stupidly managed to let him talk me around to kissing him, which i did, and i most certainly did not enjoy it at all. so he's coming around this weekend to make me pancakes. i know, i know, stupid girl, but he made me feel good about myself again, and it's stupid i know, but after hearing that chris cheated, i felt like i wasn't good enough to be loved. like, i wasn't good enough for anyone to care. like i didn't deserve something real and honest. so he's coming around, and i have absolutely no idea how this is going to go down, but you know what, that doesn't really worry me. at all. in fact, it's quite exciting, not knowing where this is going. i realise i've devoted almost all of this diary to boys, and my nan. what the hell else can i write about though when those are the main things that cloud up my mind. mom and dad are off again. egypt. i've never been there, i always wanted to go. it's one of those things on my mental bucket list. i hate it when they leave me behind. i didn't even get a face to face goodbye for now, sort of thing, i just got a letter saying they were off. it wouldn't have surprised me if they left it until they got there, and all i got was a quick 'greetings from egypt' postcard when they were already there. they're always here there and everywhere, apparently it's something to do with dad's work and mom got to tag along. lucky, right? i don't know, i suppose as a curse breaker, you've gotta learn from the best, and the best happened to live in ancient egypt, thousands of years ago. shame that, isn't it? oh well, not much we can do about it, but learn from the things they left behind. i got told about a pyramid that had curses on it, so that any muggle that entered within grew an extra head, or limb, or something along those lines. that was pretty epic magic, fair play, i wouldn't mind getting my hands on their spell book, something like that would come in handy right now. if you catch my drift. (:

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annie

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