*in the mourning, -- evelyn dalton

[joshua andrew dalton]

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* my heart's beating like a steamboat tugging ,

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Joshua Andrew Dalton was very protective over his family. And he had a huge family. He didn't care so much about the adults, but the children of them, well, they were one of his top priorities. It had been a long day in work, but Andrew couldn't stop worrying about the Dalton kids, and one in particular. Evelyn Dalton. What she'd recently been through, no one should have to go through. Alright, so it had been a little while, but he still couldn't get the images of that poor kids dead body out of his head, and he didn't even know that guy too well, aside from a few drinks every now and again. He couldn't sympathise, because he'd never lost the love of his life, but he could do his best to comfort her. And he was pretty sure that Sam was the love of her life. He'd never seen her so happy as she was when she was in a relationship with Samuel. He couldn't even remember how he'd found out, but the fact was that it was obvious, after, that the reason for her happy change was this boy, and now he was gone and she'd slipped into, what? Josh didn't know exactly, because there really wasn't a word to describe it. Well, there was, mourning. She was in mourning. He wished he could be there for her, but between his auror training, job at the store, and his new wife, who he loved dearly, it was hard to make time to get back to the estate where Evie was currently living.

Joshua and his siblings had moved to Wales with their grandparents, in a bid for them to escape the torture and evil ways of their parents, and Josh was proud to admit that he was happier now than he had been in a long time. But he felt guilty about that too. Evie was dealing with the loss of the love of her life, and Josh was reeling over the marriage of himself and the love of his. It didn't seem fair. He wished he could do something to bring Sam back, and give her the same chances that he had, but he knew that it just wasn't possible. But today he'd decided that this was it. He was going back to the estate for the first time since he'd packed up his troubles and left, and he wouldn't say a word to his parents. He pulled out the key that he'd had to the front door and slipped it into the keyhole, turning it in the appropriate direction. Evie may not realise, but Joshua felt like she was a sister to him, and he never wanted to let her down. He was going to be there for her, no matter what. He pushed the door open and pocketed his key, before slipping in through the door and closing it quietly behind him. He made his way up the stairs and along the hall to Evie's room, where she probably had locked herself. He hoped she was in, he'd not even sent a word of warning because he wanted to avoid any possible confrontation with any of the Dalton adults.

He hated them. He hated everything that they did and everything that they stood for, and he would never let them hurt anyone he loved again. It was safe to say that he wasn’t on the best terms with his parents, because he was convinced that if Maria and Clifford had organised the death of Samuel, then his parents probably at least knew about it. He tapped on the wood a few times and pressed his head to the door, gently. ”Evie? I’m coming in.”

[/color] he said, closing his eyes just in case she wasn’t in a great state of dress, and then his hand closed around the door handle and he pushed the door open, stepping into her room. ”if any of the Dalton adults are in here could you yell marshmallow or something so I can apparate out?”[/color] he joked slightly, in an attempt to lighten the mood. That was always how he was. ”Is it safe to open my eyes? I mean, I don’t think I can deal with being blind, not in this house”[/color] he asked, squinting to open one eye first and check. He didn’t want to get slapped today.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

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* all your burdens on my shoulders .

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tagging evelyn dalton lyrics in the mourning by paramore. notes whooo!
words 730! clothes clicky! credit emma of ach[/center]

[evelyn marie dalton]

It was amazing how recently it seemed that she’d been left without him. Yet, she knew it had been a lot longer than a few days, she could recite the exact number without hesitation, counting the days since she’d last seen him. Whoever claimed that you’d start to move on with your life after a while, was clearly insane. It was like a part of her had died also on that day, a part that she didn’t think she would get back. Not that she showed it, at least not in front of other people. She told herself that she wouldn’t cry in front of other people and she kept to this. But, when she was alone, it was then that the tears began to fall. Until then, she hadn’t even known that it was physically possible to cry as much as she did. And yet, some part of her was still scared to show the rest of the world how she felt. She couldn’t even explain it. How pathetic was that? Anyone else was capable of showing their emotions to those people around them, and she couldn’t even start to talk through it. Part of the reason was that she felt uncomfortable putting these thoughts onto another mind, other than hers. If they caused her to cry herself to sleep, why would she wish to inflict the same painful thoughts upon a family member that she cared about? But the most part was that she was scared. Still frightened to talk about it, for fear of breaking down completely, like she’d done before. She didn’t think she could cope with such extreme emotions again. For all her pretences, she wasn’t strong enough, she was still a young girl.

Instead of trying to describe how she felt, she’d resorted to other means of comforting herself. Recently, this had become evident in the amount of food she was starting to eat, especially when compared to her appetite before. As if to provide her with a constant reminder of the rubbish she was now eating, she’d started to develop a rounded stomach also. Normally, she would have freaked out, exercising until she was feeling amazing again, but she didn’t need to feel amazing. She didn’t see the point. Her body was just one of the many things that seemed to be turning on her at the moment. Why argue with nature? She wasn’t about to change it, because chocolate was one thing that made her smile unconditionally, and she needed to smile. The one thing that did somewhat give her cause to worry was the rate at which she was getting fatter, it was much faster than she imagined the process to happen. She never gave it much more thought than that though, because she’d lost some of her vanity and pride in her appearance. This was an obvious change, she’d suspected that some of her relatives had noticed the change. Quite frankly, she spent most of her days, excepting her time at work, in clothes that were either pyjamas, or unflattering. Quite simply, she’d lost cause for dressing up or for being interested in how she looked. It all seemed shallow and unimportant.

Today’s choice of outfit, if it was even considered that, proved this unusual frame of mind. She hadn’t even bothered to get up and get dressed, simply putting a cardigan on, to avoid getting cold. But, now, she was sitting in the corner of the room, like a frightened dog. She stared up at the ceiling, not seeing anything other than the same disturbing thoughts. A sudden distraction came in the sound of someone outside the door, she hardly dared to breathe. Still hugging one of the pillows from her bed, she failed to move, somehow not even caring. There wasn’t much she could do now. Her head turned towards the door, she was surprised to hear the voice of her cousin. “Josh..?”

[/color] she asked, somewhat uncertainly. “What.. What are you doing here?”[/color] It made no sense to her, he’d walked off with his grandmother a while ago. “They’re not here,”[/color] she said slowly. Forgetting that he wasn’t standing where he could see her answer, she shrugged to his next question. After a few minutes passed, she realised, and sighed inaudibly, before finally giving her permission for him to enter the room, without moving from her seated position in the corner.

(512f59) for talking[/color] and (555555) for thinking![/color][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

this post was made for joshua dalton and it's a lovely 749 words long. evelyn is wearing these clothes and the lyrics are from when it rains by paramore and the template's by emma from ach.

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[joshua andrew dalton]

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* my heart's beating like a steamboat tugging ,

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Joshua had many things to be thankful for. For instance, he had a beautiful wife that he was head over heels in love with. He had a family that he cared dearly about, and he had a good job, and a future career. Samuel Cooper wasn't so lucky. Any chance he had of having any of these things was stolen away from him by the people that Joshua called 'uncle' and 'aunt' and he hated them for it. The reason that he hated them for it so much was because not only had they stolen any future that Samuel Charles Cooper had, but they'd stolen any future that Evelyn Dalton had with him too. They'd stolen a part of her life away, when they decided to have him killed, and now she was the one paying the price. He'd heard it, before he'd moved. She'd paid the price with tears in the night, once that she tried to stifle, he knew. She paid the price by being almost as lifeless as Sam, and he'd seen this with his own eyes. He'd seen her change, he'd seen her take almost no care in her appearance, and that was unheard of for Evelyn. She was always meticulous about looking good, it was one of the things that he knew most about her, and yet she'd spent weeks walking around the house in her pyjamas. He'd seen it, and it had upset him. It was the loss of Sam that caused Josh to take his future into his own hands and marry Jaslene, but it was also the loss of Sam that stopped him inviting Evelyn to the wedding. He was afraid she'd see it as a 'this is my future, and now where's yours?' sort of thing, and that was beyond cruel. He loved her like a sister, and he was here to protect her and not hurt her. He felt almost constantly guilty though that he wasn't there to protect her when she needed it most. When a part of her was in danger.

Josh wished that there was something he could do to stop the pain, but there was no painkiller that took care of the emotional pain of losing someone, and short of erasing him from her memory, he had no more ideas, and he wasn't going to do that. Her parents had removed him from her future, but Josh wouldn't be the one to take him completely from her life. At least she had some memory of him. At least she knew that she was loved, at least she knew that he did exist and for a short time, she had a chance to be happy with him. He just hoped that he was making the right choice in not suggesting that she be obliviated. The thing was, that the emptiness that Sam unwillingly left behind was just that, empty, and Evelyn had no one to fill it with, making the loss of Sam even worse for her. Or at least, that's how Josh was seeing it. His view of death is that everyone occupies some space in your life, and when they're gone, that space remains, sort of taunting you with the fact that you've lost them, and that's where grief comes in. That was the way he looked at it in his mind, and it made it easier to think about death. He'd never be able to live if he lost someone so close, like Jaslene for instance. He'd be a wreck. He wouldn't want to talk to anyone, he wouldn't want to see anyone and he'd probably walk around in pyjamas too, so he didn't blame her, really. Who could? She lost the man that she loved and it was all her parents fault.

Josh let his eyes open fully and he was puzzled for a moment, not able to see Evie. He stepped around the bed and spotted her in the corner. "Yep, that's me"

[/color] he said, taking a few steps toward Evie and dropping down to sit next to her. He leant against the wall and turned slightly toward Evie, watching her. "Well, I fancied a visit to see good old mom and dad"[/color] he joked, knowing that there was nothing good about his mom and dad. Josh didn't know what Evie knew anymore, but the reason he'd left, with the rest of his siblings, was because his parents methods of discipline were barbaric and awful, and he wouldn't stand being there anymore, and thus the chances of him wanting to visit his parents were slim to none. "I know this sounds like a stupid question, but how're you doing?"[/color] he asked, biting his lip. He was here for her, and no one else. "I'm glad they're not around. Needless to say that they're not my most favourite people"[/color] he said, running his hand through his hair. He moved his arm around Evie, in an attempt to comfort her. he was no good at this. "So how about we go out for dinner or something?"[/color] he offered, wanting to make sure he was eating. He attempted to scan her to make sure she wasn't skin and bone, but she was partially obscured by the pillow that she was clinging to.

”We could go into London if you like? Get something to eat and then stop by some clothes shops if you want to of course?”[/color] he suggested with a small pause. ”Or we could go somewhere else. Diagon Alley has an amazing ice cream shop, or so I heard, if you wanted to go there.”[/color] he trailed off. Getting her out of this house would be good for her, and she always did love shopping, maybe some of her old interests would help bring her back a little bit from the ghost like place that she seemed to be in, at the moment. "Hey, Evie, are you gonna let that thing get some air?"[/color] he asked in another attempt to joke. That was how he dealt with things, by trying his hand at humour, and by eating too much. Josh was a comfort eater.
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* all your burdens on my shoulders .

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tagging evelyn dalton lyrics in the mourning by paramore. notes whooo!
words 1021! clothes clicky! credit emma of ach[/center]

[evelyn marie dalton]

What hurt the most, was that people expected her to act differently, as though her current method of grieving was not satisfactory in the eyes of everyone else. What did they know about her situation? The vast majority of people her age who gave conflicting advice about how to cope had yet to lose anyone that close to them. It never ceased to amaze her how advice was allowed to be given for her grief process, and yet you couldn’t tell someone exactly which method they should use to give up smoking or drugs. That would just be stupid, because not only had the average person got no understanding of what the person was going through, but they also weren’t an expert in the area of addiction. She would no more advise someone on how to give up drugs as she would advise someone about political manifestos, because she had no personal experience or knowledge, and so it would have been more than interfering to invite herself into something that she was clueless about. The other annoying thing was that people kept asking her to explain it, after admitting that they could never guess what she was thinking or feeling. If they didn’t want to imagine what she was feeling, why ask about it? Either way, the person would end up as depressed as her or she’d feel even worse, the way she saw it, no good came of explaining her feelings to strangers. She was still trying to figure out how she felt, and people wanted her to write her a story about her emotions and thoughts?

Sometimes she felt like punching someone, in particular, those who attempted to ‘help’ her through it. Actually, quite a lot of the time, she felt like hitting something, but this anger quickly faded into sadness instead, rendering the idea useless. It was clear that punching various people wouldn’t make her feel any better, except for that split second, which wasn’t long enough to be a worthwhile activity. Apparently, there were four main stages of grief, she’d heard that statement far too many times from various sources, claiming that to reach acceptance, you had to progress through each of the four. According to these stages, she was stuck somewhere between the first and the second stages. She was definitely feeling the denial and isolation thing. And then she was also obviously venturing into the anger stage, with her mood swings reaching points of irritation. Damn those stupid people with their strangely accurate stages of how she was feeling. Of course, it didn’t contain everything she felt, but it was more accurate than she wanted it to be, that meant she was reacting in the typical way. How could anything about this be average or normal? It felt as far from these two thing as physically possible. She was probably exaggerating, from anyone else’s perspective, but she had never believed she would have to learn to cope with something as big as this. It was far too intense and emotional for her usual attitude towards people and life. It was like that had changed also.

A part of the normal Evie shone through when Josh confirmed that she’d got his name right, where she didn’t speak in response, but merely rolled her eyes. Was it just her or did Daltons have this habit of stating the blatantly obvious? Somewhat surprised when she looked across to see him sit against the wall, beside her, she frowned momentarily, still evidently confused by this random set of events. She could have more easily understood the concept of a pink hippogriff standing inside her room than the reason why someone would return to this house after managing to escape it. Pulling a highly sceptical expression at his claim of wanting to visit his parents, she spoke finally. “That’s nice of you, although I doubt they feel the same way.”

[/color] Truthfully, she’d noticed that her aunt and uncle failed to speak about their oldest son as often now, although she only seemed to notice what she felt to be important now, which wasn’t very much. She could quite easily sit at the dining table and not be there in terms of her mind. Giving a second roll of her eyes at his question, she shrugged, unable to even think of words to describe how she felt. She couldn’t really claim she was fine when he’d seen her like this, could she? She could lie to other people, but why would she want to lie to herself about how she truly felt? It was bordering on ridiculous.

Was he making suggestions to go to food shops on purpose? Couldn’t he see that she was putting on enough weight for a while, without adding to it? “Why would I want to go to all of these food places?”[/color] she asked, turning her head towards her cousin. “I already eat too much as it is.”[/color] The strange thing was that she wasn’t eating loads, just a lot more in comparison to her appetite before, but the weirdest thing was that she’d put on her weight in one place only, making her despair slightly. “If I put on any more weight, I’ll have to stop eating altogether.”[/color] She hadn’t noticed it at first, but about two months ago, it’d become slowly more evident that her stomach was swelling up at this alarming rate. Thankfully, she was thin, so it was vaguely easy to hide, since she couldn’t get past the idea of people being somewhat curious at her fast rate of becoming fat. She couldn’t think of a single Dalton who had been anything but thin. Maybe it was as unacceptable to be slightly overweight, in her family’s eyes, as it was to be of any blood status but pureblood. Could she really tell Josh the reason why she was hiding her body with the pillow? If she just refused, he might just think it was down to her wanting to hug something. But instantly the same question came into her head, for which she knew the answer. Did she really want to lie to him? Maybe he’d have the solution to her problem. “Josh, I’m fat,”[/color] she said suddenly, before any further contemplation on the topic, gesturing to her stomach, as she threw the pillow at the bed, expressing the upset at the thought.

(512f59) for talking[/color] and (555555) for thinking![/color][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

this post was made for joshua dalton and it's a lovely 1060 words long. evelyn is wearing these clothes and the lyrics are from when it rains by paramore and the template's by emma from ach.

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[joshua andrew dalton]

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* my heart's beating like a steamboat tugging ,

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Josh couldn't tell Evie how to feel. He knew that, but he didn't want to push her into telling him eactly how she felt either. If he was in the same position he knew that he'd probably want to avoid talking about it, because if he did it would make it all feel real, and he wouldn't want to accept the fact that the person he loved so much was never, ever coming back. Putting it like that sounded harsh, but he knew it was true. Unless they took the path to becoming a ghost, (and he didn't even know if that was possible unless you were some hero or something,) the person wouldn't be coming back. You'd never hear their voice again, or their laugh, or see them smile at you, or even argue over something completely unimportant. But it was the little things like that, that would stick in your memory. They way the looked on a certain day, or the way the light bounced off their hair and the sound that their laugh made as you told them a completely lame joke. Josh knew it was the little things that would stick in your memory, because that was what he remembered now. All the little things Jas had done, the way she looked as they were sat by the lake on the day they found out that they were to be married. The twinkle in her eyes when they were together in Hogsmede, the way that she seemed so full of life. He wished that Sam was full of life, and that he and his cousin Evie had the chances that he and Jaslene had, but now they were going to miss out on so many important little things, and it would destroy her even more, because she didn't have too much to remember. Josh knew that eventually his face would slip from her memory, and Evie would have to resort to pictures to remember him. Did she even have pictures? Josh didn't know, but he wouldn't try and get her one yet, because he knew that seeing his face would also probably cause a fresh wave of grief, as it would be a reminder that there would be no more pictures.

But how did he know? He didn't really, did he? Josh wasn't in her mind, he wasn't in her heart, and he wasn't sure of anything that she was feeling. These were all assumptions that his brain had conjured in an attempt to understand what she was feeling, by basing the assumptions off what he would be feeling if he was in the same position. But the fact is that he wasn't in the same position at all, was he? He hadn't lost the one that he loved, and he never would, if he had anything to do with it. He didn't have to deal with the grief of finding Jaslene's body on their doorstep. He hadn't had to deal with the fact that he'd never see her face again, because if he wanted to, he could just stroll on up to the castle and demand to see his wife. That wasn't possible for Evie. She couldn't do that anymore, and therein lies the problem. Josh remembered reading this quote somewhere, and it had stuck in his mind, but he couldn't remember where he'd picked it up. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. And that was true, the memories left behind of how much Evie loved Sam and how he loved Evie, no one could take that away (well, it was possible with magic, but that defeated the point) but the same goes for grief, doesn't it? There was no cure for grief, there was no way around it, and no way to bypass it. You had it, and you had to live with that grief and that was that. Josh had yet to encounter real grief. He'd felt pain, he'd felt upset, he'd felt anger, he'd felt love, but he'd never felt grief, and he hoped that it stayed that way. He felt regret for Sam's death, and he also felt bad that he couldn't stop it, but that was guilt, he didn't really know Sam, and so he couldn't really say he was grieving over him. Evie was, and she was finding her own way to deal with that, and she was a stronger person than Josh was, because it seemed she was still holding herself together in front of people, and he doubted he could do that.

Josh caught the eye roll and couldn't help but smile, just a little. At least the usual Evie was still there, and even if she was locked inside by her grief, she was still alive, and that was the main thing. Hopefully over time, the grief would fade away and she'd be able to be happy again. Josh hoped so, because no one should have to live like this all their lives. She was seventeen years old, there was no way that she should have to deal with something as life altering and as painful as this. He hated his parents for hurting him, but he hated her parents even more for putting her in this position. "I know, aren't I the best son in the world?"

[/color] he asked sarcastically back, a lazy smile on his lips. Sarcasm came naturally to him, and it was an easy way to carry a conversation on. He loved sarcasm, although it seemed to annoy people a lot. Oh well. He wondered idily if his parents had mentioned him or any of their children around Evie, but he didn't want to ask, there were more important things, like her, for instance, to take care of. He doubted they would say anything in front of her anyway, if they had a bitch about him it was likely to be her parents. And besides, she had more important things to do rather than keep an eye on what his parents were thinking about him. It wasn't her place anyway, she didn't need to do it and he wasn't going to ask her to be his spy. She had other things to deal with, like the death of her boyfriend. He shuddered inwardly as the image of Evie cradling his body swam into Josh's mind, and he sighed. It seemed he couldn't even escape that reminder, even when he was awake. Josh noted the shrug, and nodded solemnly, any trace of a smile slipping away. He wanted to say he was sorry, but it wouldn't help. He wanted to say that Sam wouldn't want her to do this, but how did he know? He wanted to say that everything was going to be okay, but he couldn't predict the future. All in all, he felt useless, and let the silence between them say all those things instead.

Josh frowned when she said she ate too much. She wasn't developing some sort of eating disorder as a way to cope with her grief, was she? She looked fine, from what he could see, although the pillow was hiding her stomach. He didn't know what to say next, because he knew that women were touchy on the subject of weight. 'you look great' would be an obvious outright lie because she knew that she didn't look all that great. You could see her pretty self, it was still there, but dressed in pyjamas and cowering in a corner, so it wasn't like she looked like a supermodel, but he didn't want to say that outright in case she got mad at him and he hurt her feelings. It seemed they had been hurt enough in the past few months. "What are you on about? You look like you always do"[/color] he said, knowing that this was a pretty adaptable comment. "Well, you know, minus the pyjamas. Oh, and add clothes. Because otherwise, that would get awkward"[/color] he added, his attempt at humour bringing a small smile to his face. Thank God she wasn't a nudist. "I just thought it'd be nice to get away from the house, and I'm hungry. And you know, we could always go for a walk somewhere after if you really like"[/color] he added, trying to make this all sound a lot better. Josh tried to control the widening of his eyes when she pushed the pillow away, but he didn't know how well that worked. She wasn't really fat, on closer inspection. Rounded seemed a better word. "Your not fat, you're pregnant with emotion?"[/color] he offered, pinching a line from some muggle that he'd overheard in the common room. Woah, that seemed so long ago.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

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* all your burdens on my shoulders .

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tagging evelyn dalton lyrics in the mourning by paramore. notes whooo!
words 1417! clothes clicky! credit emma of ach[/center]

[evelyn marie dalton]

As crazy as it sounded, the first step towards accepting the death of someone seemed to be a desire to stop feeling as shitty as she was, a want to accept it and move on with her life. Despite best efforts from others, this was the one thing that was missing. It might have only been one thing, but unfortunately for those who wanted her to ‘get over it’, it was one of the most important details. And as foolish as this was, or whatever other adjective could be used to describe her lack of desire to recover, she wasn’t prepared to stop grieving yet. What she actually needed was more time. Not that the people demanding that she move on were considering this. As far as they were concerned, three months was more than enough time to mourn. This was a sweeping generalisation, of course, with the main culprits of attempting up the total recovery time being her own parents. For some reason, their personality had experienced a severe change in the past few weeks, at first they’d been, dare she say it, quite supportive and appeared to be concerned. However, this had worn off within the last month, with gentler nudges towards her old life being made, until recently they’d started making suggestions that could only be compared to snide remarks about her lack of motivation as of late. She was getting the vague impression that she wasn’t moving on as fast as they had hoped, leading to more impatience on their part, as she ignored them and wallowed in her despair.

Had she been another member of her family, she might well have been more curious about the sudden unprecedented personality change, but she was not in the mood to analyse reasons for her parents’ actions, when she could barely concentrate on her own. It was a well-known fact, at least amongst Daltons, that she had always been clumsy, but now she walked around in a daze, causing more incidents than the staff cared to think about. Truthfully, she probably should have been making slow progress towards acceptance of the events, but it wasn’t noticeable that any such actions had been taken. She herself knew that she wasn’t making the effort, but a large part of her didn’t want to have to move on. She still wanted to move back, and have things as they were only a few months ago, when she’d thought her life to be edging on perfect. If she was a more cynical individual, she might have guessed that it was too good to last, but what really frustrated her were those people who kept telling her that everything happens for a reason. That was when the urge to hit someone was strongest, because they thought they were comforting her, but in fact the result of their statements couldn’t be further from the effect it actually had. They had a way with words that made it sound like her relationship was always going to end, or that Sam died for some stupid spiritual reason that she really couldn’t care less about. All she knew was that they were wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Although he’d never say it, Evie could sense that some comfort came to him in seeing her act in a way that she was previously accustomed to. Strangely, it felt somewhat comforting to her also, with neither needing to confirm it aloud. For some reason, his sarcasm made her want to smile, it was a weak smile, but possibly one of the first genuine smiles she’d had on her face for quite some time. Oh, it was clear - the world was seriously messed up when Josh’s jokes were the funniest thing you’d heard in ages. Maybe he’d just happened to speak when she felt like smiling at something. Who really knew? Maybe she just felt a need to smile, to feel another emotion apart from sadness or anger. “You’re probably as far away from their image of a perfect son as it is possible to be,”

[/color] she replied. Maybe it seemed harsh, but it wouldn’t be interpreted that way, she knew he wasn’t fond of his parents, so he probably didn’t care what their ideals were. It wasn’t like he needed to ask. People the other side of Scotland probably knew what Dalton adults wanted. The same thing they’d wanted since giving birth to their children: grandchildren to carry on their pureblood family name. The idea of a perfect Dalton offspring was laughable though, because every single child seemed to have disappointed at various times. In their eyes, she’d been the perfect daughter and the very idea of that seemed beyond laughable. She wondered if they knew any of their children even half as well as they thought they did. The chances seemed very slim indeed. They never made the effort to get to know them, they’d probably never wanted to.

She’d forgotten that they didn’t live together anymore. He hadn’t seen her grow in size since he’d last saw her and he probably thought she was losing her mind. Feeling the need to reassure him that she wasn’t now minus her sanity, she found the words to offer more explanation. “I don’t want to eat.”[/color] Okay, so maybe that explanation wasn’t enough. It was more than she’d given him before, but it still left a lot of things left unclear. Maybe she should try again? “I don’t want to eat, because I’ve started eating more than I usually do and now I’m putting weight on and I just don’t want to eat anymore, in case I get bigger.”[/color] Now she’d gone to the other extreme and sounded paranoid and slightly hysterical. Not that she needed to worry much, since she’d already indicated towards her sudden weight gain. “Thanks, Joshua,”[/color] she replied, unable to suppress her exasperation at his feeble attempt of reassuring her about her appearance. “So carefully worded.”[/color] To be fair to him, he’d managed to avoid telling her the truth, which was that she looked more than bad. His next comment distracted her, and brought her attention swiftly back to him again, as she stared at him. “I worry about you sometimes,”[/color] she stated simply, rather ironic given their situations, with him living his dream life and her shivering in the corner. “And, I think I’d be more surprised if you didn’t feel hungry.”[/color] She’d never seen someone eat as much as he did, and yet he wasn’t putting on weight like she was. Where was the fairness in that? Even he couldn’t disguise the momentary shock, and she sighed. “Well, I don't like it. I feel like I’m carrying a hippogriff.”[/color] It was a strange comparison, perhaps, but it was uncomfortable and she could definitely feel the difference in her weight.

(512f59) for talking[/color] and (555555) for thinking![/color][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

this post was made for joshua dalton and it's a lovely 1137 words long. evelyn is wearing these clothes and the lyrics are from when it rains by paramore and the template's by emma from ach.

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[joshua andrew dalton]

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* my heart's beating like a steamboat tugging ,

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How was it that in theory, there are so many methods to dealing with grief, but in practice, he doubted really if any of them worked. The worst had to be 'take a deep breath and carry on'. Really? So the grief, and pain of losing someone could all be taken away by one deep breath? Why did no one say?! It's such a simple answer! He had no idea that a single deep breath had so much power! That sentence, had it been spoken aloud by Josh, would be brimming over with sarcasm. One deep breath wasn't going to go into the lungs of the one that you'd lost, was it? It wasn't going to fill them up with all the life that they'd once had. It wasn't going to make their still heart beat again, or let them get up and walk away. It wasn't going to let you have one more smile, or one more laugh, or even a proper goodbye. That was probably one of the things that hit Evie hardest, Josh assumed. He knew himself that he'd have trouble coming to terms with not having a proper goodbye. That was the last chance to tell each other every single thing that you've been meaning to say, but couldn't find the words. No regrets, no reservations, no holding back, and they didn't even have that. That would kill him. Woah, bad choice of words, but if Josh didn't get to say a proper goodbye to someone he loved, well, there would be uproar. It would probably take a lot longer to realise, if there was no goodbye, that they wouldn't be walking through the door any time soon, smiling and laughing. That would be difficult too. Josh knew that he'd unconsciously look for the person, no doubt, expecting to see them in their usual places, and when they weren't there, well, that would just hit hard. It's like, if this person had a routine, wouldn't you expect them to stick to that? And if you see them during the routine, after a while you'd just expect them to be in a certain place at a certain time, and then you'd wonder why all of a sudden they just stopped, and then it would sink in that they were dead, and their routine is nothing more than a memory. Now that had to be one of the hardest things about death. #

As morbid a topic as it is, Josh had been thinking about it a lot recently. It was because of the whole thing with Sam of course, and he knew he had no rite what so ever to be effected by it, considering that he didn't really have a direct relationship with Sam, but he'd met him, he'd spoken to him, he'd had a joke around with him. He was dead, he was gone, and Josh would never have the opportunity to have any sort of relationship now. Instead, he'd had to try and pull Evie off his body, and clean up the blood, and it had exhausted him emotionally. No eighteen year old should have to do that. No eighteen year old should have to comfort his grieving cousin. No eighteen year old should have to clean up the blood of her dead boyfriend. No eighteen year old should have to worry about who else would get killed, and no eighteen year old should have to find out from his younger sister that his aunt and uncle orchestrated the murder. But that being said, no seventeen year old should have to lose a loved one as close as Sam was, and no sixteen year old should have to be the one to discover who was behind the murders. And then he could say that no kid should have to go through a colourful list of curses at the hands of their parents, just so they could get information. They probably used that to find out all about Sam, and that's why he's dead. Josh wouldn't dwell on that thought because the next question would be 'who did they hurt to get that information?' and he didn't want to go there and blame someone else. It was their fault. His stupid aunt and uncle who thought that they should own the world. Well, he'd never let them be leaders of the world, because they'd reduce it to ashes in no time, and then where would they be?

Josh found comfort in the little part of old Evie that he saw just then. It assured him that she was still there, still breathing, still surviving, and one day she'd be able to be that vain, innocent, clumsy girl again. Maybe not so innocent now that she'd held the dead and lifeless body of the love of her life in her arms, but still. He doubted that after that, anyone could be innocent. It showed, really, didn't it? That the death of one man could effect many lives. Izzy had lost a friend, Evelyn had lost a future fiancee, and then husband, he knew that Sam had a sister, and now she didn't have a brother to look out for her. Josh was tempted to find her and try and fill in the gaps that Sam had left behind, like some sort of damage control person or something. Sam was an elder brother to his sister (which made sense, considering, you know, he was her brother, and he was older) and therefor he'd look out for her and protect her, and so Josh had half a mind to track her down and look out for her like Sam did. He didn't know if anyone else had realised, but he knew he felt that he was closer to the kids because of this, although it wasn't like it really effected all of them. He still couldn't understand why it had hit home so hard for him, but he thought that maybe as he was so in love with Jaslene that he couldn't bear the idea of losing her. It had sort of hit home for him that it was completely possible for his parents, should they have wanted to, to have Jaslene killed, and he didn't like that thought at all. That was why he'd pushed for the wedding, so that for one, it was on their terms, for two, it was about them being in love and married, and for three, it sort of tied them together completely. It made him feel a lot better about it for some reason. As if, now she was a Dalton, they'd do nothing to hurt her. Not that they ever would. They wanted her to be a Dalton, and it wasn't as if they had a reason, considering her pure blood. She was the daughter of Draco Malfoy, how much more powerful could you get?

Josh made a fake shocked face. "I have no idea what you're on about!?"

[/color] he said, in the most innocent tone he could manage, before giving another quiet laugh. He felt wrong laughing, especially around Evie, like it just highlighted the fact that she'd never hear Sam laugh again. "But to be fair, it's not like they gave me any reason to be a perfect son, is there? They're about as far from the perfect parents as you can get. Well, you know, most of the adults are pretty screwed actually"[/color] he commented, sighing. He hated that they'd gotten stuck with such twisted people as parents and role models. God forbid that the Dalton kids did follow in their example, because everyone knew right now, that the Dalton adults were monsters, and Josh wasn't going to turn out as a monster. He was never going to follow in his parents footsteps, and in fact he'd found the order and joined that, to help undo all the evil that his parents try and start. It was a shame that he couldn't undo the evil that his aunt and uncle had done in arranging Sam's death. "Evie, you've got to eat. I'm not sure about anything else, but I'm pretty damned sure he wouldn't want you to waste away. Don't let his murderers kill you too."[/color] he replied, referring them to 'his murders' because it still hurt that her parents could do that. It was the ultimate betrayal. "Your welcome doesn't seem like the appropriate response considering the sarcasm"[/color] he replied, nudging her a little for some sort of weak smile that he'd seen earlier. He hated seeing her so upset. "I'm sorry, but it could have been worse! I could have just left it off at 'pregnant' and that would just be impossible. I for one wouldn't be able to start calling you Mary"[/color] he replied, brushing some of the hair out of his eyes. He didn't really know how to talk about things like weight. It wasn't the best subject ever. "Where did you get a hippogriff from? I've always wanted one of them as a pet"[/color] he tried to joke again, although he knew that it was pretty feeble, considering.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

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tagging evelyn dalton lyrics in the mourning by paramore. notes whooo!
words 730! clothes clicky! credit emma of ach[/center]

[evelyn marie dalton]

She couldn’t contemplate the fact that she was never going to see him again, not that she’d wished to see him in the condition that she’d found him either. It was difficult to say that she’d rather not have seen him at all, it seemed weird to prefer seeing him for one last time or simply hearing about him in passing. She wouldn’t have had any chance to tell him what she’d wanted to say, and she’d be forever demanding answers to all the questions she would have. But she probably wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night, having vivid dreams about what had happened, which could only be thought of as a good thing, right? She couldn’t give a definitive answer, because the reality of the situation was that she’d rather not have to think about it at all. She’d much rather that this was all some absurdly long and horrible dream that she could wake up from and find that Sam was still very much alive and well. She didn’t want to think about the details of it. She couldn’t even label as it as what it was, barely being able to acknowledge that he wasn’t there anymore. She couldn’t admit it to herself aloud and say the word which described his current state. She’d said it to him, but that reaction was one that she did not recognise, and barely remembered. She could remember certain parts, such as the efforts her cousin had to go to in order to get her to let go. Letting go was the one thing she couldn’t do. She’d done it eventually, physically, but mentally she wouldn’t, and felt she couldn’t do that.

Understanding the idea that someone else could even come close to how she felt at the moment was also impossible. She knew that Izzy was also suffering, but in a different way, she’d become noticeably angrier at the world, instead of cowering in corners in her room. She knew that Izzy had inherited some of her elder sister’s temper, but it just seemed to have no end. She was angry at the adults, angry in general when anyone tried to discuss it. Not that she’d noticed many people trying to talk openly about Sam, probably for fear of her having a similar reaction to the previous one, or a complete mental breakdown. This was ridiculous, sure she was in a delicate state, but she would have lost her sanity ages ago, if she was going to. And yet people still avoided the topic around her, like she couldn’t cope with the idea. She didn’t want to discuss it, but all these efforts seemed exaggerated. They knew all the facts, she knew everything that had happened, what could there possibly be that she couldn’t deal with? She didn’t know anything about the circumstances of his death, but she had never found enough curiosity inside her mind to think about it. As far as she was concerned, he was gone and she’d never see him again and that was far more important than what set of events might have led up to that. She didn’t care who was involved, couldn’t feel anger towards them or anything of a similar emotion, just a sense of hopelessness.

It was always a strange thing to her, the idea that one person could mean so much, but it was clear to her now that he’d meant even more than she’d imagined. This was the thing that hurt the most. She’d never found the courage to admit that she’d loved him, still loved him, and it haunted her thoughts. The truth was that she’d never seen something like this happening, she’d thought she had months, years to spend with him, and yet the opposite was true. This was the only reason she could feel angry. She was angry at herself and him for never having the chance to say everything. Now all these thoughts were stuck in her head and she couldn’t share them with anyone else. This hurt more than anything else, because she could never do anything to resolve it. Sure, the stupid theories claimed that you should say it at the funeral or say it to something else and pretend that it was the person, but she was highly sceptical of the idea. It wouldn’t be the same as actually saying it to his face, would it? It could never be like that, and she’d just be talking to herself. It was best to just try and accept the fact that she could never say all these things she had wanted to, since there seemed little point in holding onto this regret forever. She didn’t feel that she would be able to cope, if she retained all these regrets throughout her life at the front of her mind, constantly dwelling on them.

If there was one thing that living with other Daltons had taught her, it was that others were significantly better at acting than Josh. Letting him believe it was effective, a small smile appeared on her face. It was strange how ‘comforting words’ had not helped as of so far, and Josh’s weird behaviour was bringing more relief than any of their methods. It was probably because he was accepting of the fact that she wasn’t going to suddenly be herself again and incredibly happy, it was a welcome change to people who gave what could only be described as a patronising voice as they tried to talk through her current emotions. “Nobody’s that close to perfect,”

[/color] she replied, stating what was obviously the truth. There were people who appeared closer than the majority of others, but that was only through your individual perspective, it didn’t make anyone perfect. The next part of his statement caused her to turn her head in slight confusion, not knowing exactly what he meant by his choice of words. “How have they all messed up?”[/color] she asked, suddenly. She was aware that he wasn’t a fan of his own parents, but she’d personally never had reason to hate or dislike her parents. Had something happened involving the five of them that she didn’t know about? Sighing somewhat at his answer, she’d expected him to react in this way. Predictable, much? “So you want me to get even fatter?”[/color] she asked, staring at him, with an expression which clearly said ‘I would not answer this with a ‘yes’ response.’

Wait, had he said murderers? She’d never thought of it in that way. “There was murder?”[/color] she partially repeated, as though the concept was completely unfamiliar to her. It wasn’t just the word which had caused her to become interested, but also the tone, like he knew something. Did he know, for certain, the circumstances of Sam’s death? No, that was stupid. He would have told her, if he happened to know something about it, wouldn’t he? She couldn’t imagine him keeping that kind of information from her, when he knew how much that information could mean to her. However, as soon as she’d had time to start taking in his words properly, he’d started talking about other things, including hippogriffs. Fair enough, since she had begun the topic, offhandedly, admittedly, but she’d mentioned them before he had. She couldn’t really blame him for thinking about hippogriffs when she’d caused him to consider them. Yet, it wasn’t the bit about hippogriffs that really caused her to become panicked, rather, it was the statement a few moments before that one. Without knowing it, he’d caused alarm bells to ring in her head, with the mention of a single word. Pregnant. She couldn’t be. No, that was a ridiculous suggestion. Except, as the situation slowly dawned on her, it wasn’t. “OH SH-”[/color] she exclaimed suddenly. As the final detail of pregnancy symptoms fell into place, she could think of only one word to express her feelings. “Shit.”[/color]

(512f59) for talking[/color] and (555555) for thinking![/color][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

this post was made for joshua dalton and it's a lovely 1314 words long. evelyn is wearing these clothes and the lyrics are from when it rains by paramore and the template's by emma from ach.

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[joshua andrew dalton]

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* my heart's beating like a steamboat tugging ,

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Josh had felt bad for, well, feeling so bad. He didn't know Sam all that well, but that didn't mean that it didn't hit Josh hard when he found out that the kid was dead. The thing was, that Sam was Josh's age. He didn't even get to have his nineteenth birthday, and that was what freaked Josh out. It showed that you were never too young to die. He'd sort of believed he was invincible up until the point that he'd found Evie clutching his lifeless body, and that had taken all assumptions of that away. He knew he could bleed, sure, he'd had that happen enough to realise that was possible, but he'd always gone around thinking that he couldn't die yet, because he was too young, and he had so much more life ahead of him. He realised how stupid that was, now, but he'd been born into a family who all walked around like they were the untouchable Dalton's, so he'd naturally picked up on that attitude when he was old enough to start emulating it, and it had gone from there. Finding Evie like that, though, had told him that no matter what age you were, life could get taken from you, and a last name wasn't going to stop that. Although the sad truth was that a last name had started it. If Evie hadn't been a Dalton, and she'd been dating Sam Cooper, he would still be alive, but because of that stupid last name, he was gone. Josh had a fleeting thought of changing his name to Malfoy, but that would only make Chris tease him more about being wrapped around Jaslene's finger. Besides, Joshua Malfoy didn't sound right, it sounded quite weird, but Jaslene Dalton sounded like it fit perfectly. Besides that, Josh wanted to prove that there were nice Dalton's out there, and that not all of them were psychopathic murderers. His family was like the mafia, and that was a weird thought, wasn't it? He couldn't imagine his mother being some sort of crime boss, but there we go, he could barely imagine Maria being one either, but look what had happened with Sam.

Josh had to look at what happened with Sam a lot, because although it was months later, and although they were much more sparce now, he still got the nightmares occasionally, and he was back there again, running down the stairs to find his cousin clinging to his body. On occasion this scene changed, and it was Jaslene clinging to him, or the other way around, and in fact he'd seen it with Beth and Chris too, it all depended on the focus of his thoughts on that day. He just hoped that Chris and Beth did nothing to let their parents know that they were dating, because if the Dalton adults got word that Beth was dating the son of a blood traitor family, then there would be uproar, and there was no telling whether or not there would be consequences familiar to those of Samuel and Evie's relationship. That hadn't ended well, if you couldn't guess, and Sam's death had effected Josh quite enough, he didn't even want to contemplate what the death of his best friend would do to him, not to mention to Izzy, let alone Beth. He shook the thoughts out of his head and tried to concentrate on Evie. Sam was dead, Sam and Evie were over, and Evie was the one left behind to deal with everything, and that was what was important, not what could happen or what was possible. Josh also felt bad for thinking of this, because it was like he was taking her situation and putting in a series of alternatives, that made him worry even more, even though they'd not happened, and all the while Evie had lived it, she'd seen it and was going through it, and then he started to feel bad for assuming and imagining, when she was being put through that daily. He didn't doubt that she still had nightmares about it, because if he was having them these months later, surely the one who'd been on the other side of the door would have more vivid and much more frequent nightmares about it. He hated the thought of that, because it was like rubbing salt in the wound, wasn't it? Josh would have obliviated her, but he couldn't bear to be the one to erase Sam from the memory of the last one that had loved him. It would be like losing him again, and he couldn't do that to Evie.

Merlin. He was throwing about that word like it was confetti. Love. Josh didn't know whether or not to believe in love in the past. He had his moments where he was sure it existed, and then there were other times when he wasn't sure at all. Before Jaslene, all he knew was that love for a brother or love for a sister or for some other family member existed, because he felt it. He felt it for Izzy, his youngest sister, who he was always looking to protect. He felt it for Gareth, the youngest of all his siblings, even though they didn't speak much anymore. He felt it for Beth, his other half, his twin sister, who he couldn't imagine life without. Heck, he felt the same amount of love for Kelsie, Harrison and Evie, because it felt like they were more like brothers and sisters than cousins, and he'd let them know that if it ever cropped up. They'd grown up together, so he'd just got it stuck in his mind that they were his siblings and not just his cousins. He adored the innocent and lovely Kelsie who wouldn't hurt a fly, it was hard to believe that someone so precious could come from Maria, the murderous mother. Then there was Harrison, the secretly bisexual one, who trusted Josh with his secret, because he knew what the Dalton's would do if he ever brought back a boyfriend. Then Evie, who was closer to Josh's age than any of the others. He remembered the time when all of them were in one of the bedrooms, bitching about the decision to go to Hogwarts. Evie was the one to agree with Beth and Josh and he had to admit that this had kind of surprised him, but it seemed that they were more alike than they thought. She always seemed to humour Josh. He loved all of them, and he never wanted to lose any of them, ever, and he was going to make sure that none of them were hurt ever again. He promised himself he'd stick by them, no matter what, and no matter what the adults tried, he'd never give up their secrets. It was still weird, not having them living just down the hall from him.

"Jaslene is pretty close in my eyes, but don't tell her I said that. She wouldn't let me live it down"

[/color] he said with a small smile, his thumb immediately moving to his wedding ring and tracing the back of the band. It was all he could do to remind him that he was now a married man, and he'd not imagined that. It just seemed so surreal right now, like it hadn't sunk in. He'd took things into his own hands after Sam's death, so that the adults had no chance to take back their arranged marriage ideas. Josh was in love with Jaslene, and he'd had his heart set on marrying her, although not quite so soon, but still, he'd actually became quite fond of the feeling of the ring on his finger, and the ability to call Jaslene his wife, although that had sounded kind of alien at first, he was slowly getting used to it. Josh faltered next, not knowing what to say. "They don't seem to realise what they've got under their nose. I can only describe it by the fact that they are constantly looking to what they can i get, and not what they've already got. It also seems that they're so ready to hurt the people that they've got to learn secrets, rather than take the time to get to know us, build up trust, and ask us themselves" he replied, sniffing. He'd felt their attempts to learn the secrets of their children, and it was a shame that they couldn't realise that there would be no need for secrets if they were a lot more trustworthy and accepting. The Dalton adults seemed to only want children to pass on the name, and they'd never actually took the time to get to know them, had they? Josh vowed that he'd always take care to spend time with his children, no matter if that meant taking time off to do it. His family would always be the most important thing to him, always. Josh made a note of the look on her face and he knew immediately that the answer she expected was ‘no’. ”Of course not. I want you to live, and be healthy, and if you don’t eat then you’ll not be as healthy as you would be if you.. did eat.” he replied, trying to cover up that little mistake.

Joshua sighed when she repeated that word. "Well, in fairness, Evie, I don't think that you could convince yourself that he died of his own accord. Especially not with all the blood"[/color] he added, his voice shaking. He didn't know how she would react to such a statement, but it was the truth, and the sooner she realised that him leaving this world wasn't his own fault, the closer she'd get to accepting that it was murder, and then the easier it would be for her to realise that her parents did it. Of course it wouldn't be easy to accept that your parents killed your boyfriend, but the fact was that it would at least be a little easier, right? Josh jumped a little at her loud words, and he frowned, not knowing what's gone on. "What's the matter? Did you forget someth-?"[/color] he started to ask, before it clicked. To be sure, he quickly reviewed the topic of conversation in his mind, and listened to what he'd said. He quickly drew his wand and cast a handy spell he'd been taught, to stop anyone walking by hearing what they were saying. He should probably have cast it earlier, but there we have it, at least now his mind was thinking at a fast enough pace for him to piece this together. "No way! You had sex with him!? But you're you! You're like, innocent and- and- and-"[/color] he couldn't finish the sentence for a moment, and it was his turn to slump against the wall. He stared ahead blankly, before ending with one word. "pregnant.[/color] That one word seemed to strike a cord, and inwardly, Josh just wanted to panic, but he knew that wouldn’t be good for any of them. Josh seemed to have two sides to him. There was the childish and joking Josh, who loved nothing more than to have a good laugh, and then there was the quick thinking, serious and clever Josh who handled high stress situations well. It seemed it was time for him to switch to Josh number two, and fast. ”Evie, you need to take a test. If this is right, your parents, they can’t know, not yet, they’d crucify you”[/color] he told her seriously. He was battling between sense and excitement. It seemed that the adults hadn’t been able to take all of Sam away after all. But that wasn’t a good thing if it put Evie and the baby in danger. [/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

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tagging evelyn dalton lyrics in the mourning by paramore. notes whooo!
words 1968! clothes clicky! credit emma of ach[/center]

[evelyn marie dalton]

It was normal to blame yourself for what had happened. At least this was how she viewed it. Unfortunately very few people seemed to share her opinion. She couldn’t understand why they didn’t see the state of affairs the same way that she did. If she’d told him to leave her alone, sure, she’d have regretted it, but he’d still be walking around, as cheerful and blissfully unaware that he was dead in an alternative timeline. What part of this wasn’t her fault? She should have realised that she couldn’t date a guy like Sam and get away with it, without anyone else finding out. Things would have always ended badly, regardless of whether it meant him dying or otherwise. She didn’t know that the two were definitely connected, but why would a perfectly healthy looking eighteen year old just happen to drop dead, shortly after dating the daughter of such a powerful family? It seemed unlikely to simply be down to coincidences. It was like some sort of horrible consequence for daring to date someone that hadn’t been approved by the rest of her family. No matter which way she looked at it, she couldn’t get past the thinking towards the back of her mind that he’d be fine, had they never met. However, this single thought was the most painful that had occurred to her. Sure, he wasn’t with her anymore, but the thought of missing out on the relationship she’d had with him, no matter how short it was, was a horrible one. She wouldn’t change meeting him for anything, even given the situation.

That wasn’t selfish, was it? She’d have given anything for him to still be alive and to see him smile once more, merely by walking into the room, but she also wouldn’t haven’t given up the time they’d had together for anything either. It was one of the only things that was keeping her sane and remembering that he’d cared about her, just as much as she’d cared about him. It was one of the rare thoughts that brought a smile to her face, as she recalled how a single word could ignite butterflies inside her stomach and make her feel emotions that nobody else ever could. It still didn’t feel real that so much could change in a matter of months, and that now she felt like she’d never be able to have those emotions again, it seemed impossible that anyone could match up to the way she’d felt about the ordinary shop boy. Why couldn’t everything revert to the way they’d been? She was the happiest she’d ever been when she was dating Sam, yet some turn of bad luck had occurred in order to change this and send her to the other end of the mood scale. The difference was that people claimed that you never knew what you had until it was gone, and in her case, this wasn’t true. She’d valued everything she’d had with him, but never had the opportunity to tell him. Where was the justice in that?

“You think anything Jas does is wonderful,”

[/color] she commented, giving him a small smirk as she answered his statement about his new wife. It was the truth, so he couldn’t deny it, and it never stopped bringing amusement to the faces of his many younger relatives. He might have been under the impression that she would resent him mentioning her, as though the very thought alone was enough to cause her to cry or scream in anger, but that wasn’t the case. She didn’t feel jealous of Josh, in fact she was happy for him, despite her own sense of loss, because he’d managed to find someone that tolerated all of his faults and made him feel the way she’d felt. That was a feeling that everyone should feel, no matter how temporarily. She became easily distracted from this thought when he mentioned the Dalton adults, commenting on what he evidently believed to be the problem with their parents, personally, she thought his argument was a pretty weak one. Sure, he had some things correct, such as the fact that the adults had never taken as much interest in their children as they maybe should have, but she didn’t see how this correlated into a translation for being incredibly poor parents. “Okay, so they’ve made mistakes,”[/color] she agreed, accepting his point. “But they’ve never done anything bad enough to make them worthy of such deep dislike.”[/color] it was supposed to be a statement, but instead it came out sounding more like a question that she needed verifying.

Unable to avoid her normal eye roll at his answer, which did not altogether fit the criteria of an answer that she had wanted to hear, she frowned slightly and glanced at him again. “That’s easy for you to say when you have a metabolism that forbids your body from putting on any weight. Some of us aren’t as lucky.”[/color] No, in fact, some of us were carrying about four pounds extra weight in the stomach area that would not shift no matter the efforts she had gone to, all of which had been in vain. It had got to the point where she had considered a strict diet which was almost guaranteed to let her return to her normal weight, thankfully she did not find the willpower to carry out this threat. If there was one thing that she was envious of, about her cousin, it was not his relationship, but rather more about a physical ability to eat as much as a blue whale and yet stay the same shape and weight. That was a quality any teenage girl who cared about her appearance would kill for. “Do you think we could ever swap bodies for a week?”[/color] she asked, rubbing her aching back for a few seconds before continuing. “Actually, that could lead to countless complications, what with me not being bisexual. Best to forget I ever asked.”[/color]

Was he acting weirdly? She thought she’d imagined it, but then his voice started shaking somewhat when she’d asked about the circumstances of Sam’s death. And although it would have been a viable reason, she didn’t think that the single event alone was the thing that made him seem so nervous. There was something else going on, something else that he hadn’t told her. “Josh, what happened?”[/color] she asked, without any trace of emotion, her face expressionless, as she waited for his response. She couldn’t believe that he’d know something and not tell her. She wanted to know, deserved to know, if he knew something about Sam. “Please, I need to know,”[/color] she continued, the tone of her voice becoming slowly more pleading rather than the demanding one of her first words. Her thoughts washed over her, as she remembered that she’d just admitted to her cousin, who happened to think she was one of the most innocent girls in the world, that she might possibly, almost definitely was pregnant. “Well, yes, that is normally how one becomes pregnant,”[/color] she agreed, choosing to ignore his astonished tone, but falling into a sarcastic voice. “I hardly think you could believe that I’m having a miracle birth.”[/color] Perhaps he’d prefer to think this of her, she had no idea, but this didn’t seem like the time to start pointing out small technicalities.

How strange was it that out of the two of them, she was the one taking it much better than him? She was potentially the pregnant one, and he looked like he was going to faint. Maybe now was a better time than any to take the opportunity and admit to herself and him the truth. “You see, Josh,”[/color] she gave him a sweet smile, only reinforcing the fact that what she was going to say next wouldn’t be something he would be pleased to hear. “I’m kinda.. not innocent. I’m what you might call.. pretty far away from innocence.”[/color] She didn’t think she’d share the exact details, given that it wasn’t the focus of their conversation and he’d already have enough to shout about, without adding more fuel to the fire. Choosing to look away from his eyes for a few moments, while her words sank in, she breathed in slowly, awaiting his response. However, his last words seemed far too much like a warning for her liking. What was he trying to suggest? “They wouldn’t... do anything to hurt it, would they?”[/color] she asked, her eyes widening at the thought. She refused to believe that anyone, let alone her parents, could be that cruel. “Oh, I’ll just take one of the many pregnancy tests I have available at my disposal, shall I?”[/color] she asked, not exactly helping the situation. How had everything managed to turn out in such a mess?


(512f59) for talking[/color] and (555555) for thinking![/color][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

this post was made for joshua dalton and it's a lovely 1473 words long. evelyn is wearing these clothes and the lyrics are from when it rains by paramore and the template's by emma from ach.

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[joshua andrew dalton]

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* my heart's beating like a steamboat tugging ,

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Was there anything in this world that he'd give absolutely anything for? At the moment, he had everything he could ever want, and he couldn't help but feel guilty that he was out and about getting used to the term of husband, whilst his cousin was cowering in a corner and wishing that her dead boyfriend would walk right through the door with his trademark grin. Sam had seemed to have that likeable thing about him, Josh couldn't explain it, but Josh was sure that he could have been the reason for so many female customers in the chocolate shop, because he always seemed to be happy to have a chat. He wondered how many of them went back to the shop looking for him, in the hopes that they could get a glimpse of his smile, or a few moments of his time, and he wondered how many walked away disappointed. There was one thing for sure, any funeral service that he had would have been packed. Josh gave a few moments to think about what happened to the body. He wondered if her parents really had sent it on to Sam's mother or not. Somehow, he doubted it, but Josh hoped that they'd at least done the right thing. Josh was upset that Evie didn't get the chance to see him buried, but maybe it was for the best, because funerals were always upsetting and stressful, right? He didn't really know, he'd never been to one and he wished that it would stay that way, at least for a little while. There had been enough death in his life with Sam, and he hoped that he'd never have to see something like that again. That was why it was so damned important that Beth and Chris were keeping it close, because if his parents ever got word of that, well, lets just say that Josh was not about to lose his best friend. No Sir. If he lost Chris, well, that could very well kill him, not to mention what it would do to the rest of the people he cared about. Beth, well, she’d be inconsolable. Josh had never seen her get so close to someone as she had with Chris. And then Izzy, that didn’t even bear thinking about. First Sam, and then Chris, that would be too much. And then there was Jas, Chris’ childhood friend. It would destroy everyone and Josh would not sit around and let that happen. He’d have to go and tell Chris everything. He deserved to know the risks, and that it damned well be kept quiet.

Josh wished that everyone could be free of this terrible cloud of death, but there were so many what if's that only made the cloud thicker. What if they found out about Chris? What if they found something bad out about Jaslene? What if they found out Izzy's plans for the marriage between herself and Byron? They'd certainly not allow her to go ahead and make that man's life a misery, even if he damned well deserved it. There were too many 'what if's' in the World, and some of them scared the hell out of Josh. He missed the free feeling that he had, and no, that was nothing to do with marriage. He missed the feeling that they were the untouchable Dalton's, and that anyone in their good books was perfectly safe and special. He missed the assumption that they had their lives ahead of them, and were free to make mistakes and fall in love and marry whoever they so chose. But it seemed that in the Dalton adults mind, it was never this way. Thinking about it now, Josh wouldn't have been surprised if they'd been planning Josh and Beth's future's since they were born, and Izzy's too. Oh no, there was no room for mistakes in those plans, and no room for free will and making their own choices either. It was stick to the plan, or lose everything that'll make you stray off the path laid down for you. It was only a matter of time before the adults tried pushing Evie into a marriage, and no doubt Arthur too, considering they seemed to be operating on a 'gain one lose one' policy. Or so they were with Josh, and Merlin forbid, with Izzy. Josh wouldn’t let Izzy marry that annoying arrogant pure blooded asshole that was meant to be Beth’s husband. Screw that! If his parents thought that he was letting the new transfiguration teacher meet his sister at the other end of the aisle, well, they had another thing coming. He’d work for months if that was what it took to find a valid reason for the marriage to not be allowed. Even if he didn’t have to sleep, he’d find Izzy a loophole, because he wouldn’t let her suffer with unhappiness because of the adults stupid choices. No freaking way.

Josh raised an eyebrow. Actually, not everything. She was right, no one was perfect, there was always something, he just had yet to find it yet. Maybe it was her temper. Although they were suited in that because when they were determined to get something they both seemed to get angry and annoyed when things didn't quite go their way. The biggest example of this was when he received the letter of his wife to be's name, and they'd both gotten angry at the situation considering they didn't seem to get on well at all. All it seemed to take though, was for them to concede that the other wasn't as bad as they'd originally thought, and that was that, he'd quickly fallen head over heels in love with her, and whereas before he was trying to think of reasons to delay the wedding, after, he'd been thinking of reasons to bring it forward, and in the end he'd decided he didn't need a reason more than the obvious one, that he was in love with her, and he was proud to be able to take her as his wife. "Not everything. As you said, no one is perfect, it's just that I've not found fault yet. That's all. She happens to be pretty amazing. My wife. My wife is absolutely amazing. And that's still taking some getting used to"

[/color] he said with a smile. He couldn't speak for himself in a months time, or maybe two, because he couldn't be sure that in that time he wouldn't have found something that she wasn't so perfect at, but they'd been married around two months now, and he hadn't found anything yet, but that didn't mean that he'd not been looking. He wanted to know everything about her, faults and all, so no one could argue that he didn't truly know who his wife was. His wife was the smart, funny, slightly sarcastic and very beautiful Mrs Jaslene Dalton, and she was just as in love with him, as he was with her. That, in his opinion, was all that he needed to know. But he wanted to know everything. It was like some insatiable desire to know her inside and out.

Josh scoffed at what Evie said next. Mistakes? Is that what people were calling the cruciatus curse now? Josh hadn't heard that name before. But then, he wasn't sure if Evie knew the exact reasons for their extraction from the Dalton Estate. Maybe it was time she did know? Or maybe now wasn't the time at all. Josh didn't like keeping information from her, but he didn't particularly want the pleasure of telling her that the Dalton adults weren't the people that she thought they were. He especially didn't want to announce that her boyfriends murder was planned and organised by her parents. Especially not when he'd seen her smiling for the first time in ages today. And on top of that, he didn't want to talk about it, actually. He didn't want to have to recall to her how his parents tried to get secrets out of him, and out of Beth too. He didn't want that knowledge to be burdened on her shoulders, and he certainly didn't want her thinking guitly thoughts, like 'I was just down the corridor' or 'why didn't I realise' or anything like that. He knew she probably would, because that was what he'd been thinking about the day of Sam's death. He was there. If he'd have pulled himself back into the real World, or cast his eyes out of a window, maybe Sam would be alive. But 'maybe's' were no use anymore. He was gone, and people had to cope with that, himself included. "I'm glad, in a way, that you've said that, Evie, because it means that you've not witnessed what they're capable of the way that some of us have. The way that I have. And I'm glad of that, at least."[/color] he tried explaining without explaining, and also tried to give off the 'I don't want to talk about it and you wouldn't want to know' sort of tone. He didn't know how she'd react or if she would ask, but he hoped silently that she'd leave it at that, because today seemed a good one, and he didn't want to ruin it.

"I thought that was a Dalton thing, anyway, so you've got it. Evie, you're dealing with- The death of your boyfriend isn't something that we expect you to cope with immediately, or easily either. Izzy's taking it hard, so we expect that it'll be even worse for you. It's ok to feel upset, and seek comfort in something or someone that won't turn you away, but I want you to know that I'll never turn you away, Evie."[/color] he spoke softly, pausing for a second to phrase this right. "If you ever want to talk, or to hug, or cry, or scream or hit someone, just come and get me, or mail me or something. I'll be right there, because I want to do everything I can to help you feel better. If that means a bruise or two, it's worth it. Alright?"[/color] he finished, sucking in a breath and getting ready to comfort her should she break into an onset of hysterical tears. He didn't know how she'd react to all this being said, but it wasn't like he could tiptoe around the issues forever, and besides, once he'd said that, he'd lay the topic to rest, and that was that. He just wanted to know that if she ever needed him, he was there, and heck, he'd even pack a picnic, all inclusive with some lame jokes too. It was no problem. He'd be happy to see some sort of emotion from her, rather than her bottling it all up and hiding it from the World. It was natural to want to cry, or to be angry, or upset, and maybe it was natural to hold it all in, he supposed it all depended on how you chose to deal with things. But should she ever need to let all that emotion out, he wanted her to know that she could call on him and he'd drop work in a second, he doubted mr Weasley would mind, considering he had a good reason. "No offence, Evie, but if I was going to swap bodies with anyone, it would probably be Jas, just so I could get inside her mind. Or Megan Fox, but that doesn't need a reason"[/color] he added, trying to encourage a laugh. Not really, he didn't know who he would swap bodies with. "Yeah it would also get awkward when either of us tried to wash."[/color] he pointed out.

Josh frowned. How could he deny that pleading tone? "Izzy overheard something, Evie. It was your parents. They were talking to Styx and Miss Lestrange"[/color] he paused, biting his lip. "You should know her, she's from St Mungo's. Izzy heard some things that weren't pleasant, and I caught her trashing her room after, she told me all about it."[/color] he paused again, really not wanting to be the one to say this. He looked pleadingly into her eyes, because he really didn't want her to hate him for delivering the news. "They set it up, Evie. They found out about Sam and you, and they didn't like it, not one bit, and so they hired Lestrange and Styx to take care of it"[/color] he finished, not even being able to bring himself to say their first names. They didn't deserve names, as far as he was concerned, unless they were insults. They were murderers, traitors, killers, and he hated them. He'd kill them himself if it didn't mean sinking down to their level. It made him feel sick to think about it. Surely her parents knew how much pain and suffering and emotional hurt they'd be inflicting on their daughter the second that Sam left the world? Surely they'd have to understand exactly how much it would kill her to lose the guy that she loved? But surely their response would be 'it's for the greater good' or something equally as generalised and untrue. It was for the greater good of their plans, and he hated that they expected everything to go their way, but the second that one of the kids found happiness by themselves, well, that wasn't good enough, and they had to rip it all away. They were monsters, and cowards for not being able to admit that they did it, and all because they were scared that their name would be associated with shop boys. Josh was a shop boy, and he'd rather be a shop boy than a Dalton, as it stood. In fact, he wished that was what he was known for. Josh, the shop boy and trainee auror, not Joshua, eldest boy out of the Dalton children.

Josh groaned. He didn't particularly want to hear about his cousin's promiscuity, or lack thereof, but he knew it was time to face up to the realisation that she wasn't who he thought she was, and the fact was that he didn't love her any less. "Gee, thanks for that mental images"[/color] he sighed, rolling his eyes. He'd have to check that, well, you know. He wasn't ready to be a father, and Jas would damn near kill him if he got her pregnant, because the fact of the matter was that she wasn't out of Hogwarts, and she stood to have a good life ahead of her, as long as he didn't take that away with a child that was conceived way to early. "I wish. I get it, you're not the girl that we think you are. As much as that scares me and weirds me out and stuff, the fact is that, you're pregnant, and there's now no denying that you aren't.... I hate this term, but, sexually active."[/color] he replied, wincing. He'd have enjoyed the abilty to live life thinking that all of the females in his family were completely innocent, but he knew that just wasn't possible, and he couldn't really expect that of them. They weren't nuns. He could accept this, but if it was Izzy, fair play, he probably would have hit the roof at this news if it were coming from her. He frowned when she spoke about the child. "Evie, you're a Dalton. It wouldn't surprise me if they've been pushing you to act normal again so that they could try and push you into some sort of arranged marriage on someone, but as it stands, no one would take a girl who stalks around in pyjamas as their wife in an arranged marriage, no offence, but it's how it is. Unless they loved you. It's even less likely than offering up a girl stalking around in her pyjamas, that they could try and marry off a pregnant girl, who's lost the father of their child."[/color] he replied, trying to explain. "In short, Eve, I have no idea what they'd do."[/color] he replied, hating this. This was why he'd cast muffiliato, just in case a passing adult should catch the word 'pregnant'. "Fine, are you 100 percent sure? Because if not, we should go to London and stop in at a chemist. Or a doctors. I don't know. I mean, what are the signs that you're pregnant?"[/color] he asked, knowing one or two but it wasn't like he'd gone and read pregnancy books for fun, was it? ‘Oh yeah, this looks like an enjoyable read.’ Yeah, right.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

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tagging evelyn dalton lyrics in the mourning by paramore. notes muuuuse
words 2,765! clothes clicky! credit emma of ach[/center]

[evelyn marie dalton]

She’d heard that people reacted differently, to death, to vegetables, to the idea of walking ten miles without stopping. It was evident that given the difference in attitudes and emotions that different people would not act in the same way about the same things. Yet apparently, somebody had taken it upon themselves to say ‘actually, most people will fit this criteria in terms of how they react to this situation.’ How could one do that, if you accepted that everyone thought about things in a varying manner, or even had a shred of individuality? People weren’t ants who had nothing to go on, except modelling their behaviour to fit the rest of the colony. It wasn’t like that with humans. Some people were far better at coping with bad news than others and it regularly showed in everyday life. However, it was difficult to decipher as to who was the most bothered - the person who is open with their feelings, or the person who hides it away. If the person who tried to hide what they were feeling was classified as the person who was struggling to cope, then Evelyn Dalton could easily be sorted into that category. Sure, you might occasionally hear the sound of her tears at night, when she thought everyone would be asleep, but she’d never voiced an opinion about what she was thinking. And the foolish person could easily mistake that for nonchalance or a matter of too much pride, but the truth was that she didn’t know how to express what she was feeling, she didn’t even know where to begin.

It wasn’t just a matter of talking it through and suddenly you were miraculously healed of whatever pain you were previously suffering. It could never be as simple as that, because she had so many mixed up feelings in her head that she couldn’t just turn around after one week and revert back to her usual self. Ugh, that was another thing that annoyed her. People telling her that she’d ‘get over it soon and get back to being normal again.’ What did that even mean? Because the only possible interpretation she could see wasn’t at all positive and was rather suggesting that what she was currently feeling or doing wasn’t behaviour that would be seen as ‘normal.’ It also appeared to trivialise the way she was feeling, as if she was just going through a period in her life where she was temporarily losing her mind but would be ‘fine’ afterwards, as soon as she recovered from it. And they just expected her to sit there and nod along, as though she agreed with what they were saying? She couldn’t do that. Instead, she responded by staring at something else in the room and refusing to speak to the person again or by using a wide variety of swear words, accompanied by a raised tone. The people who received the latter tended to be the most surprised, as though anger from her was something that was not to be expected, which only managed to support her point that they knew nothing about how she was feeling and should therefore not be handing out stupid advice without being asked for it.

Then came the killer question: would she rather that she had died, rather than him? Or would she instantly swap Sam’s life for that of another person? Frankly, these questions had done nothing but disturbed her. Who thought of the idea of killing someone else’s friend for the sake of saving someone you loved? It couldn’t ever be ethically justifiable, but the worse thing was that she’d considered it. In her desperation, she had wondered what it would have been like if someone else had died in his place and she hated herself for it. Then some sort of logic had made her realise, would it have truly have been better if she’d died instead? Then she’d just be substituting her position for his, and leaving him to wallow in depression, which seemed an even worse option. Besides, if she was pregnant, she couldn’t give up her life for shallow promises like that, otherwise the child wouldn’t have even had a chance at life, which was also a saddening concept. It seemed her life wasn’t far from them at the moment. Anyway, why even ask this type of question? Everyone knew, including herself, that she couldn’t bargain someone else’s life for another. The harsh fact of the matter was that Sam wouldn’t be coming back. And, of course, the reality hurt. It hurt like hell, but she knew she couldn’t indulge herself in fantasies instead of coping on the present day.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed his obvious distaste at her statement about the Dalton adults not being as bad as he made them out to be. It had been the same for years and Evie had never wondered or bothered to inquire as why he might hate them so much. Why had she never thought of there being more reason behind this strong hatred? “Not witnessed?”

[/color] she repeated, her expression falling into a frown. Now she was infinitely more suspicious as to his reasons. Sensing that it was a topic that he didn’t appear too eager to discuss, she allowed herself another look of disbelief before shrugging and accepting defeat on the questioning front. She wasn’t about to try and interrogate her cousin over possible reasons that he would dislike his parents so intently. She figured he’d tell her if and when he wanted to, kind of like how she didn’t particularly feel vocal. “Far too many secrets are kept under this roof,”[/color] she commented, knowing this to be the truth, since she also had a few that she’d never cared to share. “Thanks, Josh,”[/color] she said slowly, in reply to what seemed to be rather a long speech about how he’d always be there for her. “But you make it sound like I’m ill.”[/color] If only her problems were as simple as that. The was lightened somewhat by his mention of his body swap intentions, yet still made her manage to look at him as though he was insane. “I can’t imagine that you’d need to do that to find out Jas’ thoughts, doesn’t she tend to make them quite clear?”[/color] Allowing herself a small smirk of amusement at his reasoning behind this desire, she raised an eyebrow. “And I’m sure her mind would be your utmost priority.”[/color]

This conversation seemed to have the movement of a seesaw, going up one minute and crashing down at the next. She didn’t regret asking him to tell her what he meant, but at the same time, she sensed that this revelation wasn’t going to be one that she would like. At first, it didn’t sound as bad as she expected the news to be, with him giving a running commentary on what had happened. “Talking doesn’t make anyone guilty, Josh,”[/color] she replied, not seeing where he was heading with this statement. Then she felt her body slide down against the wall even more so than it was, unable to comprehend what he was saying for the new few seconds, with a select few words ringing in her hears. Once she regained the ability to speak, her words were no better formulated than they were in her head. She didn’t understand. “No,”[/color] she said suddenly. “They wouldn’t do that. They didn’t even know him! How could they dislike him?” But mostly they wouldn’t do that, because they were her parents. Parents didn’t kill their daughter’s boyfriends. “They couldn’t have found out, nobody knew!”[/color] Now she sounded like she was losing a bit of her mind, what with the frantic expressions and the lack of anything that made complete sense. “This is ridiculous,”[/color] she concluded finally. “Who would have told them?”[/color] The possibilities of someone betraying her like that hurt almost as much as the idea he was currently suggesting. Either way, she could feel her new found happiness slipping away.

“I didn’t mean for you to have mental images,”[/color] she answered honestly. She’d just felt an urge to admit some of her secrets and not have to act like someone she wasn’t anymore. Besides, he was entirely right with his next comment. She couldn’t pretend that she was the innocent little girl if she had a baby at seventeen years old, it kind of contradicted the impression she was trying to give off. “That’s such a horrible term for it, it’s not like I deliberately went out and got myself pregnant.”[/color] No, she hadn’t even considered the possibility of becoming pregnant at her age, but yet she wasn’t as against the idea as she thought she would have been. Giving him a incredulous look, she gave him a sharp gaze, “How is that not offensive?”[/color] she asked slowly. “But as for the unwillingness of other men wanting to marry me, I couldn’t be happier. I don’t want an arranged marriage. They can sod off.”[/color] So, if this unborn child happened to be her ticket out of marrying someone she couldn’t bear to be around, she was incredibly glad that she was pregnant. Anything to avoid the stress of an engagement to someone like Izzy’s betrothed. She looked somewhat horrified at the next thing he said, looking down at her stomach almost instinctively. “But it’s only a baby,”[/color] she responded, frowning at the idea. “And it’s my baby. I thought babies were their ultimate dream anyhow.”[/color] it made no sense in her head to get rid of the only grandchild they currently had on offer, when they’d strived so hard for this outcome.

(512f59) for talking[/color] and (555555) for thinking![/color][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

this post was made for joshua dalton and it's a lovely 1616 words long. evelyn is wearing these clothes and the lyrics are from when it rains by paramore and the template's by emma from ach.

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[joshua andrew dalton]

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* my heart's beating like a steamboat tugging ,

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Josh was surprised at how their conversation was working, but he was just glad really that they were actually having a conversation. She'd lost the man that she loved, he wouldn't have been surprised if she'd suddenly became mute for a short period of time, and started walking around like a zombie. At least she was talking, that had to be a good sign, and even if she wasn't talking about how she was feeling or what was going on inside of her head, he knew that was her way of coping and it wouldn't be good to press her on telling him the inner workings of her mind at the current moment. If she didn't want to talk about it then he wasn't going to make her and that was that. He was not his parents, and he could be patient and wait for a time where she wanted to talk through her feelings, although he doubted it would come any time soon, if at all, because Evie wasn't the type of girl to voice things like that. There was only one time that he remembered where she strongly voiced her feelings and that was when they first learned that they were going to Hogwarts, and they'd all converged in one of the bedrooms to talk it through. Things were so much simpler back then, and Evie still would have had her relationship with Sam ahead of her. This caused Josh to wonder if Evie would have ran into Josh if she hadn't gone to Hogwarts, but of course she would have, because he worked in Honeydukes, and that was that. Besides, Josh was glad that she had the time with him that she did, because Josh had never seen her happier than when she was with Sam.

He understood, of course. He'd never been happier than he was when he was with Jaslene, and that happiness seemed to leak into his day to day life. He often walked about with a smile on his face, although it tended to dissolve whenever he came anywhere near the Dalton Estate, although he was avoiding that a lot recently. He just wished that Evie and the others who remained could come and live with them in the house in Wales, and that way he wouldn't have to come to the house again to keep an eye on her. And he'd be able to help more with the pregnancy. Maybe he'd talk to his grandmother about her situation and ask if she could come and stay, because he figured that as soon as the adults learned of the pregnancy, she'd be kicked out and have no where to go, and Josh would at least have been prepared in advance with arrangements for her to move in with them. It would be a case of packing some things, and apparating her out. Could she even apparate now that she was pregnant? He didn't know if that was dangerous. Maybe they'd take a portkey or a train. Yeah, that sounded safer. He'd ask someone about that apparating thing. Besides, Josh figured it would be a handy thing to know for the time in the far far future where Jaslene got pregnant and he was to become a father. That would make him the happiest man alive by far, just not yet. He wasn't ready, she wasn't ready, and one new Dalton kid in the world at a time was enough, he was sure.

Josh hesitated and was about to tell her everything, but he considered the fact that today she'd been grieving for the love of her life that she'd lost, found out that she was pregnant with his baby and hadn't known or realised up until today, and because of an offhand comment from Josh, and then found out as well that her parents had orchestrated the murder of said boyfriend who happened to he the father of her unborn child that her parents didn't know about, obviously, because until a few moments ago she hadn't known about it. That was confusing to think about, let alone actually think about it in depth, so she must have had a lot going on in her head, and he wasn't about to add in that his parents had employed illegal methods of getting information out of some of the Dalton kids, and that was the reason that they'd moved. It didn't seem right to be burdening this information on her when she had so much going on herself, and not to mention the fact that too much stress could cause a miscarriage, or pregnancy problems, and he wasn't going to be the cause of the death of Evie and Sam's baby, so this information could wait another day. And thankfully, she didn't push for information, and he muttered a quiet "Thanks for not asking, Evie, I promise I'll tell you one day, I hate keeping secrets, now"

[/color] and looked down to the ground, not wanting to admit that by keeping all these secrets they were almost as bad as the adults. Although, the adults were kind of murderers, so it would be hard for them to be as bad as the adults, considering that none of the really felt the urge to go out and organise someone's death. Maybe Byron's, but that was neither here nor there. "They are. I hate it."[/color] he sighed. "Sorry. It's just, I'm trying to adjust to the reality that there's someone growing inside of you right this very second. It's hard to imagine, that's all"[/color] Josh replied, frowning. He couldn't imagine it. "I don't know, I mean I bet she doesn't say everything that's on her mind. Her brain is a complex place, I'm sure. And of course I'm sure I don't know what you're insinuating, Miss Dalton"[/color] he was about to end that sentence much differently but he remembered before hand that Evie probably wouldn't apreciate that.

Josh was ready for any sort of reaction that she would have, and he expected denial at first, and he ignored that, letting the rest of the speech sink in. He felt her slide down the wall and moved his arm a little tighter around her. "Evie, he was dating their eldest daughter that they think is innocent. They were probably worried that he would corrupt you. And he's a shop boy, now I know there's nothing wrong with that, I'm one, and my parents aren't too impressed about that either, they're always saying I can do better, but my ministry training pacifies them. He was just a shop boy. And I know that wasn't all he was to you, but to them, that was it. He was expendable to them. I don't think they realised how much it would change, though."[/color] Josh said in low tones, frowning. He felt bad, speaking loudly, like he was disrespecting his memory by saying this in a loud voice. That was weird. "Evie, someone had to know. And they have spies, I'm sure. They're influential, they know how to find out things that are kept well hidden."[/color] he replied, hoping that the adults wouldn't use their contacts to find out about this pregnancy too. Josh would have to press his ear to the ground and keep an eye on everything much closer from now on, which meant seeing Evie much more often, and if she was locking herself away in her bedroom, that would mean more trips to the estate. Lucky him. At least he didn't have to live there.

"I have an over active imagination, it happens"[/color] he teased, poking his tongue out and attempting to lighten the mood after the terrible news that he'd delivered. Her parents had killed her boyfriend and he was hoping a rubbish joke and poking his tongue out would solve that? No, but it did make him feel better, that he was at least trying something and not just leaving her brain to think of all the terrible things that had happened, and then making her retreat back into her shell. "Evie, I want you to know that no matter what you've done in the past, I'll accept you for who you are. You can tell me whatever you like, although sparing details would be appreciated, I'll live if you don't. I just don't want you to feel like you have to hide who you are. You're Evie, and I love you no matter what. You're like a sister to me, and you always will be, no matter what. We've got enough secrets to be dealing with, I don't want you to add more to the mix, alright?"[/color] he spoke rationally and honestly. He didn't like hiding himself, not that he had a problem with that because he was just, well, Josh, he didn't really hide himself, but he did hide his past. He would tell Evie about that eventually, and the reasons that the other Dalton children had moved, but not now. She had enough to deal with for today, he may as well save the 'my parents tortured me and my twin sister' speech for another day.

"I'm sorry, Evie, I don't mean to offend you. I know you didn't get yourself pregnant on purpose. Anyway, I'm glad that you are. It just goes to show that no matter what lengths your parents went to, they couldn't erase all of Sam from your life."[/color] he said with an optimistic sort of smile. Evie had a happy future ahead of her, Josh could tell. It may not seem like that right now, but he could tell in his heart that this child would be a blessing. "Good on you. I still maintain that you shouldn't marry someone that you know you won't be happy in a life with."[/color] Josh spoke softly, knowing how touchy a subject that could be with the death of Sam, but there was no way to skirt around it, was there? She would have been happy with Sam, but now she'd be happy with Sam's child, and hopefully one day there would be someone to make her as happy as he did, and love her as much as he had. "It's not only a baby, is it? It's half a Dalton, and I know it's your baby, but I'm pretty sure that our parents are trying to match us up with people that they think are one hundred percent suitable and likely to help create a child that's absolutely gorgeous and full of influence and power. I think their main dream is to create their own little master race."[/color] he couldn't help that slight joke, although it would make shocking sense.

"I'm willing to bet that they didn't think Sam was good enough for you. Evie, I don't think they're going to think that a baby that Sam fathered is good enough for them. But that doesn't matter. What matters is that this baby will be loved, by you, by me, and I'm willing to bet, by every other Dalton child. And Sam's family, well, they'll love it too. If you ever decide to tell them, that is, but that's your choice too"[/color] he decided, offering her a comforting and still optimistic smile at the same time. He wanted to show her that she had a future, and it was something to look forward to.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

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* all your burdens on my shoulders .

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tagging evelyn dalton lyrics in the mourning by paramore. notes whooo!
words 730! clothes clicky! credit emma of ach[/center]

[evelyn marie dalton]

She wasn’t watching his expressions that carefully, at least not constantly, and she could tell that he was surprised that she was capable of holding a reasonably normal conversation. That seemed to be a frequent element of surprise for other people at the moment. People seemed to be treating her like someone who’d been mentally injured or lost a leg, possibly because those things were easier for them to contemplate. How did one expect a conversation with someone who had lost his or her boyfriend to go? Evidently not as typically as this one was, from his occasional puzzled flickering looks that settled on his face. Maybe others who had experienced the same thing as her had lost the ability to speak, but she wasn’t one of them. She had just stopped speaking, out of choice, out of habit, rather than not being able to formulate the English language any longer. Most of the time she didn’t feel like talking, because she’d have been talking to an empty room, which was a depressing thought for anyone, let alone her. She hated being reminded of the fact that she wouldn’t hear the voice she most wanted to hear ever again. And yet she was bound to hear the same dull droning noise from her parents instead, who did nothing to make her feel like talking to them more than she needed to. She had no wish to talk to them; they’d just let it wash over their heads.

Part of her hated herself for not allowing her emotions to surface, but she didn’t feel able to voice them, especially after her sudden explosion of feeling after seeing him in the doorway. She’d released emotions at that point that she didn’t even know she had, or was capable of showing. Evidently there were some events that brought out everything, and that was how it felt. She felt she couldn’t explain or demonstrate how she felt because that had stolen every trace of emotion that she held. But that couldn’t be true, because today, someone had managed to make her smile. Sometimes she felt like she couldn’t think straight, and this was something that haunted her daily. She was always considering doing things that she was sure wouldn’t have been devised, had she been thinking, dare she say it? Normally. But she didn’t know how to think differently, it wasn’t like she could get her wand and cure herself of everything that was weighing down on her mind. She’d just resigned herself to this way of thinking now, it wasn’t affecting her deeply enough to make her resort to drastic consequences, so why not indulge herself slightly? If she’d had the choice between staying in and hugging the cushion and eating dinner with random guests, she’d choose the latter without a second thought.

Shrugging at his apparent gratefulness at her not inquiring into the matter of what was bothering her further, she ignored the expression that he was wearing. If she analysed his discontent expression at the mere thought of what he was keeping from her, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to resist asking until she got a straight answer from him. Had that been the only thing on her mind, she would have most likely done that. However, she respected his right to keep secrets, although she wasn’t completely happy with this choice. She figured it must have been something incredibly bad if he couldn’t even tell his own family member. But then, was that true, or was it just a matter of trying to stop her feeling worse than she already did? Either was a possibility. Looking at him incredulously when he admitted to being apprehensive to the idea of something growing inside her, she shook her head in exasperation. “Try being the one who has the baby growing inside of her,”

[/color] she suggested. If she had been engaged with emotion at that point, she probably would have been sharing more of his anxiety or perhaps even fear at the thought of trying to raise a child, but she’d not even begun to think about things like that so far. She’d only just got over the slight shock of realising that she was pregnant. That was enough to get through without adding the more difficult thoughts to the mix.

His lack of expression when she started reacting to his words made her think that he wasn’t expecting anything other than the reaction she gave. Of course this wasn’t so surprising when one considered that he was openly telling her that her parents had orchestrated the murder of her boyfriend. Anyone who accepted this without question seriously had issues with their relationship with their parents. “Well, then they’re stupid and unobservant, aren’t they?”[/color] she said suddenly, not even thinking through her responses before she voiced them anymore. Sure, she’d been good at convincing people that she was innocent, but now it seemed that she’d been too good, and that had played a part in Sam’s death. That thought was horrible. “Everyone’s just another person to them, they don’t take enough of an interest in anyone to learn what they’re like. How could they judge someone based only on their job?”[/color] It was now noticeable that her tone had increased in volume since she had started speaking about this subject. Part of her now wanted to hit something, in her frustration at only recently learning of the exact circumstances surrounding his death. Why hadn’t she been told earlier? She deserved to know. Studying his face carefully for his reaction to her question, she posed the question that had been bothering her. “Why did you keep this from me?”[/color]

She didn’t care what excuse he gave, as an explanation as to why two people had known what had really happened and yet chosen not to tell her, she’d had to plead with him to divulge the information. As long as the excuse was coherent and she found it to be a reasonable one, she’d let it drop. However, given her current mood, and the fact that she’d just discovered that her family knew far more than she did about the situation, she did not believe that he’d be able to offer her a justification for their behaviour. She was partly distracted however by a sudden break in the conversation where he started explaining how he felt about her. Although flattered that he thought so much of her to compare her to his real sisters, as opposed to their cousin titles, she wasn’t distracted for long. Her thoughts soon returned to the previous topic. “How long have you known?”[/color] she demanded, continuing her long list of questions that were currently mounting up in her head. She’d only received a small section of the information she craved and now, although she was aware she risked feeling more pain, she wanted to know everything that they did. She didn’t feel that she’d ever be able to accept what had happened until she knew everything that had happened.

The baby she was carrying was part of Sam? She’d never considered it that way, but then she’d only just come around to the idea of having a baby, her brain was still processing anything else. He’d happened to mention that she still had one obvious link to Sam, possibly not even knowing what feelings this caused her body to fill with. Obviously the baby wouldn’t be Sam, but she liked the thought of still having something that reminded her constantly of him, and also had the benefit of annoying her parents. The idea of their child not fitting the perfect Dalton offspring criteria was not as upsetting as she might have imagined. Given what had happened, she was kind of grateful that the child wouldn’t risk being exposed to the influence of the Dalton adults. “Sam was good enough for me,”[/color] she asserted, without a moment’s hesitation in her answer. “Just because they’re that narrow-minded doesn’t mean he wasn’t good for me. And they took him away from me, without blinking. I hate them for that. He meant everything to me, and they didn't even care!"[/color] It seemed to be a long time coming, but the emotion started to show in this last bit of speech. Even as she finished, tears of anger and upset started to fall down her face, which she brushed them away somewhat hastily, unable to embrace the feelings she was experiencing.

(512f59) for talking[/color] and (555555) for thinking![/color][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

this post was made for joshua dalton and it's a lovely 1616 words long. evelyn is wearing these clothes and the lyrics are from when it rains by paramore and the template's by emma from ach.

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