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Post by kalebgarcia on May 22, 2010 12:34:32 GMT
 a n d I ’ m a l i t t l e b i t l o s t w i t h o u t y o u [/font] YEAH I‘M A BLOODY BIG MESS INSIDE[/font] -- -- -- -- -- --[/center] KALEB was pacing his room like an agitated mad man, waiting impatiently for the knock on the door. In fact, he wasn’t just waiting for a knock on the door, he was waiting for something that could change his future, if he didn’t screw it up again of course. Kaleb Owen Garcia was waiting for Kamil Akito Snyder to knock on the door, because Kaleb was completely in love with his best friend. And the fact of the matter was that Kaleb had hurt Kai considerably in the past, and he didn’t want to do it again. So when Kai had kissed him in that classroom, those feelings that Kaleb tried to bury to save Kai from any more pain, and to save himself from losing his sanity because he couldn’t stop thinking about Kai, were brought right back up out of the dirt and into the room, standing there like an elephant. Kaleb knew he should discourage Kai from trusting him again, because although he was determined not to hurt Kai again, he didn’t even want Kai to risk it, encase there was a small, miniscule chance that Kai may get hurt by Kaleb again. But, his feelings took over again, as they had done so many times in the past, after that kiss with Zane in the courtyard. It had acted like a key, somehow, to all the emotions that he’d locked away, and it released not only the person who Kaleb really was, but the things that he was capable of feeling too, and ever since then, Kaleb had not been able to stop feeling them. Not that this was a bad thing, of course, as to feel was to be human, and he was human, and vulnerable and emotional, and all the other things that humans were.
AND it was that emotional side of Kaleb that even let himself let Kai give him another chance, because he knew that it was hard to live without his best friend, and he never wanted to lose him again. Kai had told Kaleb that he hated him, and not only was that something that he never wanted to hear Kai say again, but it was something that he’d said numerous times about Zane. But it wasn’t the words that gave it away that they were false, but the way that they were said. And the way that Kai had spoken that word, hate, was the same way that he’d said it about Zane, just after Zane had broke Kaleb’s heart into microscopic pieces. When Kaleb had said that word about Zane, he’d desperately wanted to say another word instead, but he forced himself to substitute the word ‘love’ for the word ‘hate’, as he figured that if he could convince himself, if he said it enough times, then soon enough it would be the truth. And it was, sort of. He did hate Zane for all that he’d done to Kaleb, but there was always that part of Kaleb that loved Zane, and that looked upon the good times. But he didn’t love Zane as much as he loved Kai, as he loved Kai so much that words couldn’t describe it. He was so torn up after hurting Kai like that, and he couldn’t believe that he’d been so stupid. He’d told Vicky then, that he couldn’t be with her, that he couldn’t be with anyone for the moment, because everyone that he cared about got hurt, and he needed to sort himself out and stop that.
THAT was when Vicky walked out of his life. He’d heard rumours about her moving to Beauxbatons, and he was glad at least, that she’d moved on. All he wanted was for the people that he cared about to be happy, and for the people around him to know who he really was. So he came out as bisexual in the great hall, and it felt so good to get it off his chest. But then Kai had come back into his life, as it seemed as if fate didn’t want them to end like they had. Now Kale had insisted that Kai come to meet him, so they could talk things over. He’d suggested his room for now, so that they could talk in private, sort things out, and then maybe, if Kai agreed, they could go for a drink or something together, maybe as a couple, as long as Kai was okay with that. Although Kaleb wasn’t sure if Kai would want to stay in the closet for now, but it seemed that if he was associated with Kaleb, people would start to guess that they were together and that they were both bisexual. He’d heard from Bethany Dalton that there was rumours going around about Kaleb screwing his best friend, so it was likely that a whole lot of people knew already. Kaleb sat down on his bed nervously, running his hand through his hair. He stood with a start when the knock came finally, and he crossed to the door and pulled it open immediately. ”Kai”
[/color] The love in Kaleb’s voice as he said Kai’s name was undeniable and completely audible, so there was no wonder that people were guessing that they had been involved in the past, at least. [/justify][/size][/blockquote] -- -- -- -- -- --P A R T N E R I N C R I M E KAMIL SNYDER
W O R D S O N T H E P A G E 889
N A M E T H A T T U N E THIS AINT A LOVESONG BY SCOUTING FOR GIRLS
W H A T ‘S O N T H E R A D I O STARLIGHT BY MUSE
L E A V E A M S G AWW! KALE♥KAI
W A T C H A W E A R I N G ? Click.
C R E D I T Mine. |
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Post by kamilsnyder on May 24, 2010 23:58:58 GMT
 So somehow fate had decided to retch Kai from his perfect world, that wasn't so perfect. He was going completely overboard and he knew it, as soon as he and Kaleb had seen each other the first time in a long while, on that couch, it was a downhill trek, and merlin only knew it could only get worse from here. He couldn't possibly be stupid enough to actually trust Kaleb again, but of course he was, he was just that desperate. He didn't want to be, but he was in shambles he couldn't focus, he could barely sleep at night when memories would invade him and jolt him awake. Kai never hated Kaleb, no he didn't he , didn't know what he felt, he didn't know how his heart was in this position. Kamil whether others saw it or not was a fragile human, more fragile then most, he just didn't let others see it in fear of seeming weak, and weak was against the rules when you were a Slytherin.
Kai stood in the door way in sweats and a old t-shirt, he was a bit of a mess, if that was even possible for him. He heard Kaleb's voice and he visible winced. After the classroom he had drove himself ragged wanting to see Kaleb again, just to be held, but he had bit it back, because he had heard the rumors, he had been found out and his life had turned to hell in a few short moments. Kai simply pushed Kaleb back with his hand shutting the door and locking it. He stared at him frowning a bit, his lip quivering as he looked at his feet. He shuffled nervously and just leaned his forehead into Kaleb's chest with a breathe of relief and yet there was sorrow and anger under it. He had to break away from Kaleb, he couldn't handle being near him anymore then he had t, so this would be the last time, the very last time. Kamil was reverting back to how he should be, and he wouldn't let anything stop him, not even Kaleb. He stepped back then looking straight at Kaleb with eyes, that not even he would have been able to understand. "Kaleb."
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Post by kalebgarcia on May 25, 2010 18:58:14 GMT
a n d I ’ m a l i t t l e b i t l o s t w i t h o u t y o u [/font] YEAH I‘M A BLOODY BIG MESS INSIDE[/font] -- -- -- -- -- --[/center] KALEB used to have a whole complex or something about being weak, but that had drifted away into nothingness the second that love, and Zane, had entered into his life. And okay, so the result of that love was one partially broken boy who now knew who he was, and a semi death eater who was safely locked up in Azkaban for the remainder of his sorry life. And Kaleb was sorry that it had ended that way, but he had to force himself to look at the positives, like the fact that although they may not be in top condition, they were both still alive, and the fact that he’d managed to get the best out of a bad situation. (The bad being the fact that he had fallen head over heels in love with a teacher, and then thought, no, expected that Zane would run away with him and that they’d be cuddling up together somewhere right now in a little cabin in the woods, where no one could touch them, not even the homophobic people who were against love like that.) Kaleb was concentrating more on the fact that, despite still visible bruises, he was more himself now than he had ever been, and that everyone knew exactly who he was, and what he believed in. The only thing that they didn’t know really, was the fact that he’d been broken, not by the fact that he was bisexual, and also not by any other lame schoolboy, but by a teacher, and Kaleb was thankful for that at least. Because he could stand being called bisexual, it was what he was, and he could even bear the mentioning of Kai’s name along with Kaleb’s, as he was used to it because they used to be friends, even though now the context was different.
THE thing that he couldn’t handle, however, would be the constant looks of dissaproval, the shocked faces, and what would be the near constant mentioning of Zane Shames’ name every time that Kaleb walked past. He could barely think it, let alone hear it spoken aloud, that would just be torture. As every time he thought Zane’s name, he felt everything, from that first kiss, to Zane’s hands on his chest, and then the final time they had met in Azkaban. And of course when Zane had broken the news that it was all a game. Okay, so Kaleb wasn’t entirely sure about that being the truth anymore, as he’d seen the look on Zane’s face when he’d gone to visit him in the god-awful prison cell, and the emotion in that, it couldn’t be faked. But here he was, choosing to believe that it was just a sick game so that he could move on and get over Zane, so he’d practically convinced his self, now. Even the look that Zane had given him in that room, the day it all ended for him, it haunted him. It was a look of zero emotion, and it made no sense. Kaleb felt the push away, and he stepped back, feeling the rejection in that little push.
KALEB didn’t handle rejection well. Kai lent his head on Kaleb’s chest, and he frowned, confused. He let his arms hold Kai’s shoulders gently, but allowed them to fall when Kai stepped away and gave Kaleb an emotional look. Kaleb couldn’t understand the emotions that made it up however, although when Kamil said his voice, it was sort of cold, emotionless. ”What is it? Is it me? If you don’t want me anymore, I won’t blame you, just please, tell me now, get it overwith”
[/color] Kaleb blurted, taking another few steps back, hoping that he was wrong. He didn’t want to lose Kai, because he was lost without him, and it would be a knock to his confidence. Of course he’d soldier on like nothing happened, because he was Kaleb Garcia, and although he was actually feeling emotion now, he still found that the best way to rid himself of it was to pretend that it wasn’t there in the first place. Although all the memories made it hard to do that. [/justify][/size][/blockquote] -- -- -- -- -- --P A R T N E R I N C R I M E KAMIL SNYDER
W O R D S O N T H E P A G E 695
N A M E T H A T T U N E THIS AINT A LOVESONG BY SCOUTING FOR GIRLS
W H A T ‘S O N T H E R A D I O STARLIGHT BY MUSE
L E A V E A M S G AWW! KALE♥KAI
W A T C H A W E A R I N G ? Click.
C R E D I T Mine. |
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Post by kamilsnyder on May 25, 2010 23:47:39 GMT
KALEB didn’t handle rejection well. Kai lent his head on Kaleb’s chest, and he frowned, confused. He let his arms hold Kai’s shoulders gently, but allowed them to fall when Kai stepped away and gave Kaleb an emotional look. Kaleb couldn’t understand the emotions that made it up however, although when Kamil said his voice, it was sort of cold, emotionless. ”What is it? Is it me? If you don’t want me anymore, I won’t blame you, just please, tell me now, get it overwith” Kaleb blurted, taking another few steps back, hoping that he was wrong. He didn’t want to lose Kai, because he was lost without him, and it would be a knock to his confidence. Of course he’d soldier on like nothing happened, because he was Kaleb Garcia, and although he was actually feeling emotion now, he still found that the best way to rid himself of it was to pretend that it wasn’t there in the first place. Although all the memories made it hard to do that.
Kai shifted and bit his lip as he looked down at his feet again. He didn't know what to say nor did he want to say anything, he didn't want to say something he'd regret in the first place, he shifted to the side of Kaleb and sat on the bed. "What do you want me to say? He asked softly and with another frown." I don't know what you want me to do." He continued with a bit more strength in his voice. "What am I to you Kaleb? Am I just another one of your list of lays?' He was being harsh and he knew that but he didn't comprehend anything more, because kamil had a hard time understanding relasionships and emotions, never was good, he was never in one and his family treated him like trash most the time. He shifted looking at Kaleb. "..I can't handle just being someones toy." He mumbled lightly and faltered, he wasn't sure what to say. "but even if I knew full well that thats all i was to you....i guess i'd keep coming back." His voice seemed strained, he hadn't thought this through and now he was sounding really stupid. He looked at Kaleb with empty eyes, a tear slipping from his left eye. "...You can't promise me you wont hurt me again... He strained again. "...I.....i am a stygian votaries now." the words just slipped out of his mouth and he looked down at his lap playing with his shaking fingers. He had said that like it was his last words, like he was going to die, he wasn't strong enough to fight or to yell he lacked the energy. He looked back up with the corner of his eyes unblinking.
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Post by kalebgarcia on May 26, 2010 19:39:26 GMT
a n d I ’ m a l i t t l e b i t l o s t w i t h o u t y o u [/font] YEAH I‘M A BLOODY BIG MESS INSIDE[/font] -- -- -- -- -- --[/center] All Kale wanted was for Kai to be happy, was that really so much for him to ask? He just wanted his best friend to be happy with his lot, and he didn't look happy right now. "I want you to say whatever will make you happy. Truly happy"
[/color] He murmured, meeting Kai's eyes and hoping that he wouldn't have to break down in front of him. He'd handle himself if need be, he'd go away and wait until Kai was gone, and then he'd cry and scream, and do whatever else it took to get all that emotion out. Because he knew what it was like to bottle up all emotion, and have words in your heart that you couldn't say and he was done doing that, but he wasn't about to flip out in front of Kai, he didn't want to have Kai to see him like that. "No! You'll never be a notch in my bedpost, Kai! You mean so much more to me than that"[/color] Kaleb said honestly, knowing that he loved Kai very much, and only wanted the best for him. He could never think of Kai as just another lay, he was special to Kaleb, he was amazing and funny, and he got Kaleb, like, really got him! He understood what he was going through, and he’d seen Kaleb at his lowest point, and helped him through it. Kaleb was eternally grateful for that! He loved him so much that he’d rather hurt himself than hurt Kai again. "If anyone uses you as a toy, I'll be the first one to kick their ass. Even if it's me, which could have some interesting consequences."[/color] He said with a small smile trying his best to keep the atmosphere between them light and happy. "You're welcome in my arms anytime Kai, but I won't let you be with me if it isn't making you happy"[/color] He murmured, placing his hands on Kai's shoulders and kissing his forehead affectionately. He truely loved Kai, he really did, but he didn't want Kai to be with him if it would make Kamil unhappy, as he'd never infringe on Kai's happiness knowingly, not again. "No I can't promise, but I can promise you that I will try my damnedest to make sure that your happy"[/color] He said with a crooked smile, watching Kai with a loving look in his face. He was telling the truth, as he'd do his best to be a good boy and stop Kai from being hurt, and make Kai happy. He always wanted to make Kai happy. "WHAT? Kai you need to get out of that, it's dangerous! Kai they're not good!"[/color] He stated, practically begging Kai to get out of there. "I'll accept you for whoever you are, because you're always going to be Kai to me, but I don't want you to be in danger"[/color] He murmured, crying himself now, as he raised his hand and wiped a tear from Kai's beautiful eye. [/justify][/size][/blockquote] -- -- -- -- -- --P A R T N E R I N C R I M E KAMIL SNYDER
W O R D S O N T H E P A G E 500
N A M E T H A T T U N E THIS AINT A LOVESONG BY SCOUTING FOR GIRLS
W H A T ‘S O N T H E R A D I O STARLIGHT BY MUSE
L E A V E A M S G AWW! KALE♥KAI
W A T C H A W E A R I N G ? Click.
C R E D I T Mine. |
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Post by kamilsnyder on May 26, 2010 19:53:34 GMT
Kai just humphed and fiddled with his fingers again, as he heared Kaleb he smirked and frowned. 'How did people find out about what happend?" He asked looking at Kaleb angrily, well more like a glare that he couldn't keep back. He sighed again as Kaleb tried to make things better and he just murmered to himself and shook his head. "Are you sure Kaleb? Your not going to slip up again?" He asked seriously because Kaleb had a habit and no one broke habits easily, not one like this anyhow, that not how things worked.
Kai smile twisted, but he did smile. He looked up his beginning to belive Kaleb and his words, whether that was smart, it all depended on Kaleb, but you never really knew in this world who was going to let you fall on your face. He felt Kaleb's hands on him, and he went to shrug away, but he stopped himself and looked up at him when he kissed his forehead, then began the lecture. Kai sighed looking down. "Whether its dangerous or not, my father said to make up for the embarrasment i caused this was the only way i could redeem myself." He explained softly, he wasn't sure anymore, but he wasn't going to quit even if it got him killed. " Do.." Kai voice faltered and he just shook his head, he looked up again with a short sigh. If this was a mistake, then, it was the biggest one of his life, we will see just how far hope can get a person in a place like this. "..are you going to kiss me now?' He asked his lips pulling into a old Kai smile.
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Post by kalebgarcia on May 26, 2010 20:24:06 GMT
a n d I ’ m a l i t t l e b i t l o s t w i t h o u t y o u [/font] YEAH I‘M A BLOODY BIG MESS INSIDE[/font] -- -- -- -- -- --[/center] Kaleb frowned and ran his hand through his hair at Kai's words. Honestly, he had no idea! He didn't know how the rumours started, but he did know that no one at Hogwarts could keep anything secret, especially not when it concerned him, it seemed. "I don't know. I only knew that people knew about us when Bethany Dalton mentioned it in the great hall to me"
[/color] Kaleb said with a shrug, pulling his eyebrows together in a thinking face, whilst he tried to work out who was the person behind the rumours. He didn't even think that he knew anyone who would do that, who knew about them anyway, as he trusted everyone who knew. Like Coal, he trusted him with his life, even if Coal didn't know it. Coal didn't really know how much Kaleb liked his company, but he got on with him very well. "If it means that I get to spend time with you, then I'll never let myself slip up again"[/color] He said with another crooked smile that looked so cute and sexy at the same time. "Well Kai, you need to break free of your father's expectations. I have, and I can't explain how exhilerating it is, to be my own person at last!"[/color] Kaleb explained with a great grin on his face, as he remembered the feeling of release, the feeling of freedom, the feeling of air filling his lungs as he took his steps away from his father's expectations, and moved into the light of his own personality.God he was even using metaphors now, how odd was that? "Do you want me to?"[/color] Kaleb asked, smiling at those blessed words, coming from Kai's mouth. And then he saw it, the thing that took his breath away. It was his smile, Kai's smile, and it sent it all back to him, the memories of when they were happy together the first time. He pulled Kai close and met his eyes "I'll take that as a yes"[/color] Kaleb said with a grin, pressing his lips to Kai's, first in the corner of his mouth, and then full on searching kisses, rejoicing in the reunion of Kai and Kaleb's lips. Heaven existed, and it was right there in Kai's eyes. [/justify][/size][/blockquote] -- -- -- -- -- --P A R T N E R I N C R I M E KAMIL SNYDER
W O R D S O N T H E P A G E idk
N A M E T H A T T U N E THIS AINT A LOVESONG BY SCOUTING FOR GIRLS
W H A T ‘S O N T H E R A D I O STARLIGHT BY MUSE
L E A V E A M S G AWW! KALE♥KAI
W A T C H A W E A R I N G ? Click.
C R E D I T Mine. |
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Post by kamilsnyder on May 27, 2010 23:34:07 GMT
Kamil's eyes narrowd. "Bah, the Daultons..." He murmered angrily, then he remeber his little friend, she was a Daulton, he smiled to himself thinking about her, she was the next generation, would she choose to be herself? Or not. Kai didn't answer he just nodded lightly and twiddled his thumbs, he murmered something in japanese does that mean I can trust you though?, he sighed shaking his head running his fingers through his hair exasperated. This was so annoying.
Kai's mouth twisted angrily. "Where has that gotten you exactly? Oh yea right here..thanks." He replied annoyed. His stress level was on a mountain, and now it was rolling like the usual snow ball effect. He heard Kaleb's question, his reassurance, before he could answer he was enveloped, and mixed with, the joy, and underneath the happiness, was dread. The feeling that it was a mistake, some people, some cursed people know when something may not be right, but they refuse to axknowledge it, and end u, getting hurt, bad. Kamil's arms wrapped around Kaleb's neck and he pulled him down ward, he was desperate and he didn't want to let go. please please don't let this be wrong, please it ran in his head over and over and over.
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Post by kalebgarcia on May 29, 2010 15:56:45 GMT
a n d I ’ m a l i t t l e b i t l o s t w i t h o u t y o u [/font] YEAH I‘M A BLOODY BIG MESS INSIDE[/font] -- -- -- -- -- --[/center] Kaleb nearly hissed aloud as he heard that evil word repeated. He remembered then what Beth had said to him in that hall. How dare Bethany Dalton and her gnag of hyped up fire starters dare insult or threaten Kai like she had! It was despicable! But it still didn't explain how she knew about Kaleb and Kai's lovemaking, because there were really only two people who had known, and one was Coal, who Kaleb trusted majorly! He knew that Coal wouldn't tell anyone, because Kale knew what he was like, and besides, Kaleb knew too much about him to even dare. "Yes. She doesn't like you too much, So I'd watch yourself Kai, please."
[/color] He murmered, his hand reaching out and then dropping at the last moment, before he heaved a sigh. "It means that I'll try and do my best, to show you that I can be the one you spend forever with, and be happy. I'm not going to beg you to be with me, if it's not what makes you happy. that's all that i'm asking, Kai, trust yourself, your heart, to know what will make you happy. the rest will follow"[/color] He said honestly, smiling a cute smile as he surveyed Kai and how amazing he looked. "It has made me happy, and that's what I want for my life. I want to be happy, and I want to make you happy. Now whether that means jumping off the astronomy tower, or kissing you goodnight, every single night of forever, I'll do it just to see you smile"[/color] He said, passionately. He loved Kai, and he just wanted himself, and the people around him to be happy, and have a great life. Kaleb grinned wildly as he felt Kai's hands pull his head down toward his lips. His hands gound Kai's waist, and he took Kai's bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on it slightly, a kind of mischievous smile on his face. He pulled his lips away for a second, then returned them again, his hands gently massaging Kai's waist as his lips once again rejoiced in what they had found again. Their home. Because in truth, Kaleb looked at Kai and he was home. He couldn't battle his feelings, and he'd made himself a promise a whole while ago that he wouldn't have to any more. And now he didn't have to. Kai understood him, he was one of the only people who got it. Kai had seen him at his lowest point, and at his highest, ups and downs, and that was all Kaleb wanted, for Kai to be there, and let him be there for Kai. [/justify][/size][/blockquote] -- -- -- -- -- --P A R T N E R I N C R I M E KAMIL SNYDER
W O R D S O N T H E P A G E 444
N A M E T H A T T U N E THIS AINT A LOVESONG BY SCOUTING FOR GIRLS
W H A T ‘S O N T H E R A D I O STARLIGHT BY MUSE
L E A V E A M S G AWW! KALE♥KAI
W A T C H A W E A R I N G ? Click.
C R E D I T Mine. |
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